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| Categories | Genre Fiction |
| Author | Kristin Hannah |
| Publisher | Griffin; Reprint edition (March 25, 2014) |
| Language | English |
| Paperback | 441 pages |
| Item Weight | 2.31 pounds |
| Dimensions |
5.6 x 1.25 x 8.35 inches |
I. Book introduction
Return to the world of FIREFLY LANE—now a Netflix series—from #1 New York Times bestselling author Kristin Hannah.
Once, a long time ago, I walked down a night-darkened road called Firefly Lane, all alone, on the worst night of my life, and I found a kindred spirit. That was our beginning. More than thirty years ago. TullyandKate. You and me against the world. Best friends forever. But stories end, don’t they? You lose the people you love and you have to find a way to go on. . . .
Tully Hart has always been larger than life, a woman fueled by big dreams and driven by memories of a painful past. She thinks she can overcome anything until her best friend, Kate Ryan, dies. Tully tries to fulfill her deathbed promise to Kate–to be there for Kate’s children–but Tully knows nothing about family or motherhood or taking care of people.
Sixteen-year-old Marah Ryan is devastated by her mother’s death. Her father, Johnny, strives to hold the family together, but even with his best efforts, Marah becomes unreachable in her grief. Nothing and no one seems to matter to her . . . until she falls in love with a young man who makes her smile again and leads her into his dangerous, shadowy world.
Dorothy Hart–the woman who once called herself Cloud–is at the center of Tully’s tragic past. She repeatedly abandoned her daughter, Tully, as a child, but now she comes back, drawn to her daughter’s side at a time when Tully is most alone. At long last, Dorothy must face her darkest fear: Only by revealing the ugly secrets of her past can she hope to become the mother her daughter needs.
A single, tragic choice and a middle-of-the-night phone call will bring these women together and set them on a poignant, powerful journey of redemption. Each has lost her way, and they will need each one another–and maybe a miracle–to transform their lives.
An emotionally complex, heart-wrenching novel about love, motherhood, loss, and new beginnings, Fly Away reminds us that where there is life, there is hope, and where there is love, there is forgiveness. Told with her trademark powerful storytelling and illuminating prose, Kristin Hannah reveals why she is one of the most beloved writers of our day.
Editorial Reviews
“By reversing traditional expectations, Hannah (Night Road) calls attention to the modern female soldier and offers a compassionate, poignant look at the impact of war on family.” ―Publishers Weekly on Home Front
“Home Front’s heart-wrenching portrayal of one veteran’s trials points out how much training goes into preparing for war–and how little is done to teach returning soldiers how to be parents again.” ―People Magazine
“A stirring, inspiring celebration of heroism in its many incarnations.” ―Family Circle on Home Front
“Hannah’s best work yet.” ―Seattle Times on Home Front
About Kristin Hannah
Kristin Hannah (born September 25, 1960) is an American writer. Her most notable works include Winter Garden, The Nightingale, Firefly Lane, The Great Alone, and The Four Winds. In 2024, St. Martin’s Publishing Group published her novel, The Women, which is set in America in the 1960s.
Kristin Hannah was born in California. After graduating with a degree in communication from the University of Washington, Hannah worked at an advertising agency in Seattle. She graduated from the University of Puget Sound law school and practiced law in Seattle before becoming a full-time writer. Hannah wrote her first novel with her mother, who was dying of cancer at the time, but the book was never published.
Hannah’s best-selling work, The Nightingale, has sold over 4.5 million copies worldwide and has been published in 45 languages.
Hannah lives on Bainbridge Island, Washington, with her husband and their son.
II. Reviewer: Fly Away
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1. MEAGAN reviews for Fly Away
My chest hurts 😭
So the first half of the book was dragging for me. A lot of it was repetitive information from the first book. I guess this can be a standalone??? But for someone who went right into this book after finishing the first book I was getting a little bored. Don’t get me wrong there was a lot of new information in between the old.
But once I started the second half of the book, I was getting hit from every direction. In typically Kristin Hannah fashion the heavy topics kept on coming. I didn’t catch my breath before getting hit with something else that was devastating.
I sobbed. I put on mascara today and for what? For it to be streaming down my face….😭
Quotes-
🦋“Sometimes you simply made the wrong choice and you had to live with it. You could only change the future.”
🦋”When you’re a mom, you learn about fear. You’re always afraid. Always. About everything from cupboard doors to kidnappers to weather.”
🦋”but sometimes one person can hold you up in life, keep you standing, and without that hand to hold, you can find yourself free-falling no matter how strong you used to be, no matter how hard you try to remain steady.”
🦋”Memories are who we are, Tul. In the end, that’s all the luggage you take with you. Love and memories are what last.”
🦋”You will always miss her. There will be days – even years from now – when the missing will be so sharp it will take your breath away. But there will be good days, too, months and years of them. In one way or another you’ll be searching for her all your life.”
🦋”When you grow up as I have, a lost girl without any real past, you latch on to the people who seem to love you. At least that’s what I did. It started early, my holding on too tightly and needing too much. I always craved love. The unconditional, even unearned kind. I needed someone to say it to me. Not to sound poor me, but my mother never said it.”
🦋”some men are worst than being alone. She learned then that some relationships ended without fireworks or tears or regrets. They ended in silence”
2. CRUMB reviews for Fly Away
Please do not read this review unless you’ve already read Firefly Lane
This book concluded the story of the Firefly Lane Girls, or should I say girl: Tully. We also come to learn the story of Cloud, Tully’s mother. Cloud kept popping in and out of Tully’s life, never being the mother Tully so desperately craved.
In this book, we see Kate’s family disintegrating. In Firefly Lane, Kate lost her battle with Inflammatory Breast Cancer and passed away. We see Kate’s daughter, Maura really develop in this book. She transforms into a combative, rebellious teenager. She runs away from her family, dyes her hair pink, and pierces her eyebrow with a safety pin. We also see Maura turn to darker, more dangerous behaviors such as drugs and self-harm. What Maura doesn’t realize is that she is just trying to run away from herself, from the pain of losing her mother. We also see the dissolution of the friendship between Kate’s husband and Tully.
It is Tully however, that has the hardest time moving on. She spirals into a pattern of overeating, isolation, and frequent pill-popping. In Firefly Lane, we saw her meteoric rise to fame as a reporter, and in Fly Away we see her undoing. For the majority of the book, she is in a coma. In the coma, Kate comes to her in a vision, and talks to her, reminds her of things Tully needed to hear. The way Kristen Hannah executed the conversations between Kate and Tully was nothing short of beautiful.
In my last review, I shared that I was not ready to let go of the Firefly Lane girls, and in this book I found the answers I so desperately wanted and needed. This was a great sequel, but it was no comparison to Firefly Lane. If you read Firefly Lane, I do recommend that you read this sequel. I think it will leave you feeling refreshed and restored.
3. SUZ reviews for Fly Away
TullyandKate, KateandTully. This was always, until it was not.
It’s time for me to go back to work. That’s how I will get through this grief, I will do what I have always done, I’ll look strong and pretend, I’ll let the adoration of strangers soothe me.
This certainly sums up Tallulah Hart, the woman who perfected a work life to the peril of her personal. We learn more in book number two about how her early upbringing clouded her mother’s life, we hear her mother Dorothy’s story and struggle, and we learn a great deal about Dorothy’s background, and tragic family life.
The danger of book to screen adaptation, if you watch the vision first, like I did, forms assumptions, and those can differ greatly from the original. I had to keep reminding myself which came first, and the story of TullyandKate came first by these well written, emotionally charged books.
This instalment is serious and sad, happy and satisfying. Human relationships, family and loss are all covered, with the deep connection these two women being of course the main thread that keeps the story held tightly together – and the characters of course.
One must be able to grasp the dead having a voice, as Kate’s voice is the main one here, even though much of the narrative comes from Tully. Tully’s relationship with Kate is so strong that it always leads back to both women.
Kate’s family relies on her so much, it is confronting to witness the family fall apart in the aftermath of death. Tully tries to be there for Marah who is sullen, withdrawn and emotionally scarred. She means so well but fails in some respects, Marah stops connecting with her father and brothers in her heartache, and Johnny the grieving widow judges Tully harshly.
Through all the loss and reassessing of life after death, sifting through past mistakes, and facing hard truths, Tully and Kate’s family’s journey is sad but ultimately heart-warming as stalwart Kate continues to tell the story from the other side. I’m not usually a fan of this tool, but this series is based on this ideal, it is emotive and meant to pull on the heartstrings as this lifelong friendship is what it’s all about; the reader is left feeling spent and may even think about their own circumstances.
The audio version, Libby via my public library, did not have the best narration, but the author’s suggestion of book club questions were insightful, and her encouragement of readers to get in touch with her shows she is very interested in connecting with her audience.
4. TAURY reviews for Fly Away
You need a box of Kleenex if you read this.
There alot of thoughts roaming through my head. Book is deep. Very deep. First, sit back, close your eyes and think of all you are thankful for. Then think of those you are closest with but no longer speaking to. Or angry with. Then think if they were no longer alive. How would you feel. Let go of your pride. Humble yourself and puck up the phone and say hello. Life is short. We do not know when our time will be up. Love, forgiveness, it all starts with a hello. Don’t give up and say good bye. We all have a story. A story of why. Break the generational curses. Drop the walls of hate. Embrace those you love. This is that story of why.
5. ROBERT ROSS reviews for Fly Away
fly away is a hit ! a must read for anyone who had and lost someone dear to them .
I started to read this book before I realized it was book 2 of a series by a favorite author of mine. Kristin Hannah’s books although novels and fiction are REAL, I love the reality based stories she tells. Real life is full of love and loss and unfulfilled dreams and families with love but troubles too. People we love often die to soon or to young in real life too. People we love are addicted and can’t be forced into recovery until they are ready for it despite our attempted interventions. This book explores the devastation of losing one’s lifelong best friend , a loss maybe as devastating as a spouse or a parent, but one that is rarely spoken about or acknowledged for the great impact it has on the best friend who is left alive . It also looks at the after effects of a mom and wife passing away young of a fatal illness and how it impacts her whole family: Her own mom and dad , her kids and her spouse. It was an engaging read and well worth it . This book also deals realistically with mental illness , abuse and addiction and the impact that can have on a mother and a child. I think it’s best to read the first book in the series before it but this novel can definitely stand on it own as a highly engaging read. An exploration of the aftermath
6. JANIE reviews for Fly Away
Dark and Depressing
I had a hard time putting this book down, but I gave it 4 stars b/c most of it was SOOO dark and depressing. Still a good story. I loved getting answers to the characters’ past histories from book one and how everything fit together. And the ending was amazing. Put a smile on my face.
7. ROSIE reviews for Fly Away
Wonderful sequel to Firefly Lane!
Fly Away by Krisitin Hannah is the sequel to Firefly Lane. The novel begins almost four years after the death of Tully’s best friend, Kate; TullyandKate, (no spaces needed because they were one in the same) best friends forever. Kate suffered from cancer and left her family, as well as Tully, broken and fragile. Although the novel begins four years after Kate’s death, there are flashbacks throughout the entire novel. The first flashback begins at Kate’s funeral. The flashbacks are seen through many characters’ eyes: Johnny, Kate’s husband; Marah, Kate’s daughter; Tully, Kate’s best friend; and Cloud, Tully’s mother.
When Fly Away opens, Tully is in a really rough place. Jobless, and without her best friend, Tully turns to prescription drugs and alcohol. Following in her mother’s footsteps, Dorthory Hart also known as Cloud, Tully becomes addicted without even realizing it. Marah, not yet a woman, but not a teenager anymore, also hasn’t recovered from her mother’s death. She is not satisfied with her father’s efforts to help her cope, or her Godmother’s, Tully, efforts to take care of her as if she were her own daughter. Johnny, Kate’s one true love, is struggling to be a successful single father to Marah and twin boys, his decisions sometimes cause more harm than good, but he is trying to move on with his life as best as he can.
Fly Away grabbed my heart and held it tight from the first page of the novel to the last page of the novel. It’s as if I was holding my breath the entire time I was reading it until the final page, where I could finally breathe again. Many times I had tears in my eyes, waiting to feel them fall down my face as I turned the page and braced myself for what would come next.
When I first read Firefly Lane last year, I thought about my best friend growing up. We always said we would get pregnant together, grow old together, and sit in rocking chairs right next to each other just like Tully and Kate. I felt such a connection to the story that I wanted to go to the top of a mountain and scream as loud as I could, “If you ever had a best friend, you need to read this book.” After reading Fly Away, I felt the same way. I thought about my childhood best friend, I thought about how much fun we used to have, and how much I wish she was reading the same book so that we could talk about it; laugh together and cry together.
Kristin Hannah never lets me down. Every book I read of hers’ gets better and better. I must admit though, Firefly lane is and always will be my favorite. Maybe it’s because I read it first or maybe because it felt so special, but I will always love that book the most.
We learn in Firefly Lane that Tully has a mother who has been absent for the majority of her life; when she wasn’t absent she was either high or drunk. In Fly Away, we learn more about Dorthory Hart, formally Cloud, and learn that from the outside looking in, she looks like a bad mother, but from the inside looking out, she seems to have done the only thing she knew would be best for her daughter, which was leave her to grow up without her. At first I was annoyed with the whole Cloud story, I didn’t like hearing her inner thoughts, or learning about her past. As I read more and more, I learned to love Dorthory Hart, something I never throught could happen in Firefly Lane. Dorothy has had a hard life but she discovers, as well as we the readers, that it is never too late to try again.
8. JENNA CANTINO reviews for Fly Away
First I want to thank Goodreads for selecting me as a winner of an advance reader’s copy of Fly Away. Winning and getting to read a Kristin Hannah book before it has been released really made my year!
With that said…. it wasn’t my favorite. I hate to even say that because I love Kristin Hannah’s books so much, especially Firefly Lane. Firefly Lane was the very first book I read by her. To be honest, I only picked up because I really liked the cover. Who knew that I would fall in love with her stories and have to read all of her contemporary novels!
Anyways, Firefly Lane moved me in a way that few books do. I have thoroughly enjoyed many other Kristin Hannah books but Firefly Lane remains my favorite and perhaps, my favorite book of all time. Unfortunately, Fly Away did not move me like Firefly Lane did.
I think the first 300 pages were just too much for me to handle. It was too sad, there was too much depression, and drugs, and cutting, and anxiety and it was just too much. Perhaps Kristin Hannah wrote too well for those parts. At times, I had to close the book and just do something else because it was just too stressful.
The last 100 pages were awesome. That’s where the real story was. I even stayed up until 2am reading because I could not put it down. Had the book been more balanced, had the characters not been in a haze, had Cloud come back earlier, the book would have been better. However, it just didn’t work for me.
Even with the craziness in the first 300 pages this book is at least 4 stars. The ending was amazing; everything and more than I could hope for. The fact that Kristin Hannah even wrote a sequel to Firefly Lane made it at least 3 stars! While this wasn’t my favorite of hers and I wish that the plot had gone differently for the majority of the book, I am so happy that she decided to write this book. I am thrilled that I got to follow Tully, Johnny, Marah (although I never liked her), the twins and Margie through another great adventure. In the end, Firefly Lane will always be home.
9. PATRICIA WILLIAMS reviews for Fly Away
This was a beautiful story. This book might have been better than the first one. I love the way this author writes and tells stories about her characters. All the people in this extended family ended up with wonderful understanding of their relationships. I started this book because I am, of course, watching Firefly Lane on Netflix and it is good but I don’t think anything can compare with the way the author tells the story.
10. DEANN reviews for Fly Away
4 grief stars
I recently re-read Firefly Lane and watched the Netflix series so I had to read this one! These two books present a great story and both brought me to tears.
This one is more about Marah and Tully and we get to learn all about Tully’s mom Cloud, now going by Dorothy again. Grief really does a number on us and there is no easy way to get through it. This book shows how one woman’s death really changes everyone around her.
I’m definitely a fan of Kristin Hannah and there are still a few of hers that I haven’t read.
III. Fly Away Quotes
The best book quotes from Fly Away by Kristin Hannah
“You will always miss her. There will be days – even years from now – when the missing will be so sharp it will take your breath away. But there will be good days, too, months and years of them. In one way or another you’ll be searching for her all your life.”
“She waited for you in a thousand different ways.”
“Sometimes you simply made the wrong choice and you had to live with it. You could only change the future.”
“When you’re a mom, you learn about fear. You’re always afraid. Always. About everything from cupboard doors to kidnappers to weather.”
“It’s not a date. I bought my own drink and I didn’t shave my legs.”
“but sometimes one person can hold you up in life, keep you standing, and without that hand to hold, you can find yourself free-falling no matter how strong you used to be, no matter how hard you try to remain steady.”
“She is like a child picking at a scab, unable to stop herself even though she knows it will hurt.”
“You will always miss her. There will be days – even years from now – when the missing will be so sharp it will take your breath away. But there will be good days, too, months and years of them. In one way or another you’ll be searching for her all your life.”
“I was not good at the whole making-death-a-positive-transition thing. How could I? I wanted her to fight to the last breath. It was a mistake. I should have listened to her fear, comforted her. Instead I’d promised her that everything would be okay, that she would heal.”
“Some people see a glass as half empty; some see it as half full. I put the glass in a cupboard and forget it’s there. You get my point?”
“When I met your father, it was magic. Not for him—not then—but for me. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you can look into a pair of eyes and see your whole future.”
“I was always a little girl, lost in Oz, looking for a way to believe that there was no place like home …”
“and she smiles at me, my best friend, with her long, tangled blond hair and thick eyelashes and her smile that lights up any room. My other half. The girl who took my hand all those years ago and didn’t let go until she had to.”
“Marah will come looking for me one day, Kate had said, pressing the journal into my hands. Be with her when she reads it. And my boys… show them these words when they can’t remember me.”
“I have never known how to say goodbye. It is a failing that has been with me all of my life. It’s especially problematic, given how often partings have come up.”
“When you grow up as I have, a lost girl without any real past, you latch on to the people who seem to love you. At least that’s what I did. It started early, my holding on too tightly and needing too much. I always craved love. The unconditional, even unearned kind. I needed someone to say it to me. Not to sound poor me, but my mother never said it.”
“Love. Family. Laughter. That’s what I remember when it’s all said and done. For so much of my life I thought I didn’t do enough or want enough. I guess I can be forgiven for my stupidity. I was young. I want my children to know how proud I am of them, and how proud I am of me. We were everything we needed—you and Daddy”
“Grief is a sneaky thing, always coming and going like some guest you didn’t invite and can’t turn away. She wants this grief, although she’d never admit it. lately, it’s the only thing that feels real.”
“Examination was the only solace. Instead of looking away from heartache, you needed to crawl inside of it, wear it like a warm coat on a cold day. There was peace in loss, beauty in death, freedom in regret.”
“Sometimes you simply made the wrong choice and you had to live with it. You could only change the future.”
“When you’re a mom, you learn about fear. You’re always afraid. Always. About everything from cupboard doors to kidnappers to weather. There is nothing that can’t hurt our kids, I swear.” She turned. “The irony is they need us to be strong.”
“Once you’d learned how bad life could go, and how quickly, you tried to protect those who remained.”
“Sometimes you simply made the wrong choice and you had to live with it. You could only change the future. She”
“Memories are who we are, Tul. In the end, that’s all the luggage you take with you. Love and memories are what last. That’s why your life flashes before your eyes when you die—you’re picking the memories you want. It’s like packing.”
“Hope was such a dangerous thing, so ephemeral and amorphous; it didn’t fit in the concrete world of words spoken aloud.”
“the sprawling branches of the maple tree were plush with autumn.”
“I don’t know how to believe in her, but I don’t know how to let go, either. She’s my mother. After all of it, all the times she’s held on to me and all the times she’s let me go, she’s still woven through me, a part of the fabric of my soul, and it means something, that she’s here.”
“Examination was the only solace. Instead of looking away from heartache, you needed to crawl inside of it, wear it like a warm coat on a cold day. There was peace in loss, beauty in death, freedom in regret. She had learned that the hard way. She”
“if wishes were horses, all beggars would ride,”
“When I held my babies and looked into their murky eyes, I found my life’s work. My passion. My purpose. It may not be trendy, but I was born to be a mother, and I loved every single second of it.”
“There’s a river of sadness in me; it’s always been there, but now it is rising, spilling over its banks. I know there’s a possibility that if I’m not careful, it will become the biggest part of me and I will drown in it.”
“You will always miss her. I know that from experience. There will be days—even years from now—when the missing will be so sharp it takes your breath away. But there will be good days, too; months and years of them. In one way or another, you’ll be searching for her all your life. You’ll find her, too. As you grow up, you’ll understand her more and more. I promise you that.”
“Some people see a glass as half empty; some see it as half full. I put the glass in a cupboard and forget it’s there.”
“When I held my babies and looked into their murky eyes, I found my life’s work. My passion. My purpose. It may not be trendy, but I was born to be a mother, and I loved every single second of it.”
“if wishes were horses, all beggars would ride,”
“they’d learn what needed to be held close in life, and what wasn’t worth worrying over.”
“music; the wave tops form notes and rise up and”
“She learned then that some relationships ended without fireworks or tears or regret. They ended in silence.”
“When I care about someone, I hang on with a desperation that borders on mental illness.”
“The truth of my circumstance climbs into the bed with me and takes up too much room.”
“Depression has descended like a bell jar around me.”
Excerpted from Fly Away by Kristin Hannah
Part One
September 2, 2010
10:14 P.M.
She felt a little woozy. It was nice, like being wrapped in a warm-from-the-dryer blanket. But when she came to, and saw where she was, it wasn’t so nice.
She was sitting in a restroom stall, slumped over, with tears drying on her cheeks. How long had she been here? She got slowly to her feet and left the bathroom, pushing her way through the theater’s crowded lobby, ignoring the judgmental looks cast her way by the beautiful people drinking champagne beneath a glittering nineteenth century chandelier. The movie must be over.
Outside, she kicked her ridiculous patent leather pumps into the shadows. In her expensive black nylons, she walked in the spitting rain down the dirty Seattle sidewalk toward home. It was only ten blocks or so. She could make it, and she’d never find a cab this time of night anyway.
As she approached Virginia Street, a bright pink MARTINI BAR sign caught her attention. A few people were clustered together outside the front door, smoking and talking beneath a protective overhang.
Even as she vowed to pass by, she found herself turning, reaching for the door, going inside. She slipped into the dark, crowded interior and headed straight for the long mahogany bar.
“What can I get for you?” asked a thin, artsy-looking man with hair the color of a tangerine and more hardware on his face than Sears carried in the nuts-and-bolts aisle.
“Tequila straight shot,” she said.
She drank the first shot and ordered another. The loud music comforted her. She drank the straight shot and swayed to the beat. All around her people were talking and laughing. It felt a little like she was a part of all that activity.
A man in an expensive Italian suit sidled up beside her. He was tall and obviously fit, with blond hair that had been carefully cut and styled. Banker, probably, or corporate lawyer. Too young for her, of course. He couldn’t be much past thirty-five. How long was he there, trolling for a date, looking for the best-looking woman in the room? One drink, two?
Finally, he turned to her. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he knew who she was, and that small recognition seduced her. “Can I buy you a drink?”
“I don’t know. Can you?” Was she slurring her words? That wasn’t good. And she couldn’t think clearly.
His gaze moved from her face, down to her breasts, and then back to her face. It was a look that stripped past any pretense. “I’d say a drink at the very least.”
“I don’t usually pick up strangers,” she lied. Lately, there were only strangers in her life. Everyone else, everyone who mattered, had forgotten about her. She could really feel that Xanax kicking in now, or was it the tequila?
He touched her chin, a jawline caress that made her shiver. There was a boldness in touching her; no one did that anymore. “I’m Troy,” he said.
She looked up into his blue eyes and felt the weight of her loneliness. When was the last time a man had wanted her?
“I’m Tully Hart,” she said.
“I know.”
He kissed her. He tasted sweet, of some kind of liquor, and of cigarettes. Or maybe pot. She wanted to lose herself in pure physical sensation, to dissolve like a bit of candy.
She wanted to forget everything that had gone wrong with her life, and how it was that she’d ended up in a place like this, alone in a sea of strangers.
“Kiss me again,” she said, hating the pathetic pleading she heard in her voice. It was how she’d sounded as a child, back when she’d been a little girl with her nose pressed to the window, waiting for her mother to return. What’s wrong with me? that little girl had asked anyone who would listen, but there had never been an answer. Tully reached out for him, pulling him close, but even as he kissed her and pressed his body into hers, she felt herself starting to cry, and when her tears started, there was no way to hold them back.
September 3, 2010
2:01 A.M.
Tully was the last person to leave the bar. The doors banged shut behind her; the neon sign hissed and clicked off. It was past two now; the Seattle streets were empty. Hushed.
As she made her way down the slick sidewalk, she was unsteady. A man had kissed her—a stranger—and she’d started to cry.
Pathetic. No wonder he’d backed away.
Rain pelted her, almost overwhelmed her. She thought about stopping, tilting her head back, and drinking it in until she drowned.
That wouldn’t be so bad.
It seemed to take hours to get home. At her condominium building, she pushed past the doorman without making eye contact.
In the elevator, she saw herself in the wall of mirrors.
Oh, God.
She looked terrible. Her auburn hair—in need of coloring—was a bird’s nest, and mascara ran like war paint down her cheeks.
The elevator doors opened and she stepped out into the hallway. Her balance was so off it took forever to get to her door, and four tries to get her key into the lock. By the time she opened the door, she was dizzy and her headache had come back.
Somewhere between the dining room and the living room, she banged into a side table and almost fell. Only a last-minute Hail Mary grab for the sofa saved her. She sank onto the thick, down-filled white cushion with a sigh. The table in front of her was piled high with mail. Bills and magazines.
She slumped back and closed her eyes, thinking what a mess her life had become.
“Damn you, Katie Ryan,” she whispered to the best friend who wasn’t there. This loneliness was unbearable. But her best friend was gone. Dead. That was what had started all of it. Losing Kate. How pitiful was that? Tully had begun to plummet at her best friend’s death and she hadn’t been able to pull out of the dive. “I need you.” Then she screamed it: “I need you!”
Silence.
She let her head fall forward. Did she fall asleep? Maybe …
When she opened her eyes again, she stared, bleary-eyed, at the pile of mail on her coffee table. Junk mail, mostly; catalogs and magazines she didn’t bother to read anymore. She started to look away, but a picture snagged her attention.
She frowned and leaned forward, pushing the mail aside to reveal a Star magazine that lay beneath the pile. There was a small photograph of her face in the upper right corner. Not a good picture, either. Not one to be proud of. Beneath it was written a single, terrible word.
Addict.
She grabbed the magazine in unsteady hands, opened it. Pages fanned one past another until there it was: her picture again.
It was a small story; not even a full page.
THE REAL STORY BEHIND THE RUMORS
Aging isn’t easy for any woman in the public eye, but it may be proving especially difficult for Tully Hart, the ex-star of the once-phenom talk show The Girlfriend Hour. Ms. Hart’s goddaughter, Marah Ryan, contacted Star exclusively. Ms. Ryan, 20, confirms that the fifty-year-old Hart has been struggling lately with demons that she’s had all her life. In recent months, Hart has “gained an alarming amount of weight” and been abusing drugs and alcohol, according to Ms. Ryan …
“Oh, my God…”
Marah.
The betrayal hurt so badly she couldn’t breathe. She read the rest of the story and then let the magazine fall from her hands.
The pain she’d been holding at bay for months, years, roared to life, sucking her into the bleakest, loneliest place she’d ever been. For the first time, she couldn’t even imagine crawling out of this pit.
She staggered to her feet, her vision blurred by tears, and reached for her car keys.
She couldnt live like this anymore.
….
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