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| Categories | Genre Fiction |
| Author | John Grisham |
| Publisher | Doubleday; 1st edition (October 28, 2002) |
| Language | English |
| Paperback | 192 pages |
| Item Weight | 9.6 ounces |
| Dimensions |
5.29 x 0.85 x 7.77 inches |
I. Book introduction
Skipping Christmas is a comedic novel by John Grisham. It was published by Doubleday on November 6, 2001 and reached #1 on The New York Times Best-Seller List on December 9 that year. It was also released as a four-CD audiobook, narrated by actor Dennis Boutsikaris, by Random House Audio Publishing Group in October 2006. The book was adapted into the film Christmas with the Kranks (2004), directed by Joe Roth and written by Chris Columbus.
Plot
The story focuses on how Luther and Nora Krank try to avoid the frenzy traditionally experienced during the Christmas holiday. On the Sunday after Thanksgiving, the two take their daughter Blair to the airport, where she departs for a year-long Peace Corps assignment in Peru. Seeing all of the busy traveling at the airport, Luther starts to develop an increasingly personal antipathy for normal Christmas traditions, especially knowing that Blair will not be with them for Christmas this year. To make matters worse, Luther is told by Nora to stop by a packed grocery store on a very rainy day, causing him to get soaked, only to realize when getting back in the car that he forgot the white chocolate on the shopping list, forcing Nora to go inside and get it herself.
Nora bemoans the fact that the upcoming Christmas will be the first time they have been separated as a family, prompting her husband to calculate how much they spent celebrating the holidays the previous year. When he realizes they have little to show for the $6,100 they invested in decorations, gifts, and entertaining, he decides to skip all the hubbub at home and surprise Nora by booking a 10-day Caribbean cruise aboard the Island Princess. Nora at first is skeptical but accepts the idea on one condition – that they still donate $600 to the church and Children’s Hospital. At first Luther refuses, but when Nora refuses to consider the cruise otherwise, he agrees, and they begin to plan the trip.
It doesn’t take long for Nora to adjust to the idea of no Christmas shopping or Christmas tree, and not hosting their annual Christmas Eve party. To the couple’s amazement, their neighbors on Hemlock Street strongly object to their decision to boycott the holiday, because the Kranks’ decision not to decorate their home will jeopardize the block’s chances at winning the coveted prize for best decorated block in the neighborhood. Vic Frohmeyer, the unelected “top man” of the neighborhood, leads the townspeople in taunting Luther and Nora about Christmas celebrations by extending a perimeter of people around their lawn, asking a group of Christmas carolers to sing carols on the Kranks’ lawn, calling repeatedly to demand that they decorate their house for Christmas, and picketing with signs, et cetera.
Luther stops the protest by freezing his sidewalk to prevent the carolers from singing there. The charities also are upset with the couple: the local Boy Scout troop is dismayed when the Kranks refuse to support them by purchasing a tree, the police are angered when they decline to buy a calendar, the firemen are shocked to learn the Kranks will not be buying a fruitcake this year, and the stationer is upset when he loses their annual order of engraved greeting cards. A newspaper even gets in the act by asking Luther’s #1 rival, Walt Scheel, to film the Kranks’ house for the story. Luther and Nora find themselves the objects of derision and anxiously await their departure on Christmas Day.
Without warning, Blair calls from Miami on Christmas Eve to announce she’s en route home with her new Peruvian fiancé to surprise her parents. She’s anxious to introduce Enrique to her family’s Christmas traditions, and when she asks if they’re having their usual party that night, a panicking Nora says, “Yes”, much to Luther’s dismay.
Comic chaos ensues as the couple finds themselves trying to decorate the house and coordinate a party with mere hours to spare before their daughter and future son-in-law arrive. Because the Boy Scouts have sold out of Christmas trees, Luther arranges to borrow the tree of a neighbor who is leaving for the holidays. He and Vic Frohmeyer’s son Spike try to transport it across the street, but other neighbors notice and mistakenly think Luther is stealing it, so they call the police, resulting in Luther’s barely escaping arrest.
Luther attempts to set up Frosty the Snowman on his roof but fails, and ends up hanging by his legs from its electric cord. Scheel calls 9-1-1, and Luther is rescued. The Kranks are then rescued by everyone they’ve alienated, with the neighbors all pulling together and providing the noisy, festive Christmas celebration Blair is expecting. Blair calls saying she has arrived at the airport; injured Luther can’t get her so Vic sends the police who give her a hero’s welcome in the baggage claim and escort her home with her fiancé. As he slowly realizes that he has benefitted from the Christmas spirit of all his neighbors, Luther starts to celebrate Christmas willingly and gives his cruise tickets to the Scheels, who are having a very bad Christmas because his wife was just found with her third recurrence of breast cancer.
Editorial Reviews
“Grisham may well be the best American storyteller writing today.”—The Philadelphia Inquirer
“Grisham is an absolute master.”—The Washington Post
“Never let it be said this man doesn’t know how to spin a good yarn.”—Entertainment Weekly
Publishers Weekly observed, “For all its clever curmudgeonly edge and minor charms, no way does this Christmas yarn from Grisham rank with A Christmas Carol, as the publisher claims. Nor does it rank with Grisham’s own best work. The premise is terrific, as you’d expect from Grisham . . . But as clever as this setup is, its elaboration is ho-hum. There’s a good reason why nearly all classic Christmas tales rely on an element of fantasy, for, literarily at least, Christmas is a time of miracles. Grisham sticks to the mundane, however, and his story lacks magic for that . . . The misanthropy in this short novel makes a good antidote to the more cloying Christmas tales, and the book is fun to read. To compare it to Dickens, however, is…humbug.”
Bruce Fretts of Entertainment Weekly graded the book C+ and commented, “Even at 177 minipages, Skipping Christmas feels padded . . . Despite a few nicely observed details . . . Grisham mostly trades in stale fruitcake jokes and sub–Christmas Vacation slapstick. Like his recent coming-of-age novel, A Painted House, Skipping represents a departure for the king of the legal thrillers, but in this case, it’s to an unworthy destination.”
Amazon.com Review
John Grisham turns a satirical eye on the overblown ritual of the festive holiday season, and the result is Skipping Christmas, a modest but funny novel about the tyranny of December 25. Grisham’s story revolves around a typical middle-aged American couple, Luther and Nora Krank. On the first Sunday after Thanksgiving they wave their daughter Blair off to Peru to work for the Peace Corps, and they suddenly realize that “for the first time in her young and sheltered life Blair would spend Christmas away from home.”
Luther Krank sees his daughter’s Christmas absence as an opportunity. He estimates that “a year earlier, the Luther Krank family had spent $6,100 on Christmas,” and have “precious little to show for it.” So he makes an executive decision, telling his wife, friends, and neighbors that “we won’t do Christmas.” Instead, Luther books a 10-day Caribbean cruise. But things start to turn nasty when horrified neighbors get wind of the Krank’s subversive scheme and besiege the couple with questions about their decision.
Grisham builds up a funny but increasingly terrifying picture of how this tight-knit community turns on the Kranks, who find themselves under increasing pressure to conform. As the tension mounts, readers may wonder whether they will manage to board their plane on Christmas day. Skipping Christmas is Grisham-lite, with none of the serious action or drama of his legal thrillers, but a funny poke at the craziness of Christmas. –Jerry Brotton, Amazon.co.uk
About John Grisham
John Grisham (born February 8, 1955 in Jonesboro, Arkansas) is an American novelist, lawyer and former member of the 7th district of the Mississippi House of Representatives, known for his popular legal thrillers. According to the American Academy of Achievement, Grisham has written 28 consecutive number-one fiction bestsellers, and his books have sold 300 million copies worldwide. Along with Tom Clancy and J. K. Rowling, Grisham is one of only three authors to have sold two million copies on a first printing.
Grisham graduated from Mississippi State University and earned a Juris Doctor from the University of Mississippi School of Law in 1981. He practised criminal law for about a decade and served in the Mississippi House of Representatives from 1983 to 1990.
Grisham’s first novel, A Time to Kill, was published in June 1989, four years after he began writing it. Grisham’s first bestseller, The Firm, sold more than seven million copies. The book was adapted into a 1993 feature film of the same name, starring Tom Cruise, and a 2012 TV series which continues the story ten years after the events of the film and novel. Seven of his other novels have also been adapted into films: The Chamber, The Client, A Painted House, The Pelican Brief, The Rainmaker, The Runaway Jury, and Skipping Christmas.
Grisham is a two-time winner of the Harper Lee Prize for Legal Fiction and was honored with the Library of Congress Creative Achievement Award for Fiction.
When he’s not writing, Grisham serves on the board of directors of the Innocence Project and of Centurion Ministries, two national organizations dedicated to exonerating those who have been wrongfully convicted. Much of his fiction explores deep-seated problems in our criminal justice system.
John Girsham lives on a farm in central Virginia.
II. [Reviews] Skipping Christmas: A Novel by John Grisham
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1. DARTH J review Skipping Christmas
The story is simple enough: the only child of a family won’t be home for Christmas, so the parents decide to treat themselves to a cruise instead of dealing with all the drama that comes along with the holiday and then the neighbors get super angry at them!!!!!
This part got my hackles raised. I’m not a fan of people being in my business or giving me unsolicited opinions or advice about things that don’t concern them. I’ve gotten pretty good at going dead-eyed and giving a terse “No.” to pushy people. I can see why the neighbors would want Frosty on the roof for a neighborhood award, but you gotta respect when someone tells you no the first time.
I couldn’t live in this neighborhood. I know it’s a community and they all come together at the end, but I’m a firm believer in setting boundaries with people. *blows whistle* “No means No!”
Further, the parents should have just told the daughter the truth. They get a phone call that she’s on the plane home when they already have plans for a cruise. Right then and there they should have explained to the daughter that you can’t just surprise people like that; holidays take planning, overnight guests take planning too. “Listen, we already made plans, you need to make other arrangements. You’re an adult, so you need to understand that you can’t just expect people to drop whatever they are doing to accommodate you.” is what the parents should have said instead of rushing around to set up the holiday for the air-headed daughter.
Nevertheless, I still liked the book and read it just about every Winter since it’s really short.
2. KAY review Skipping Christmas
☃️ I’m not doing Frosty ☃️
I almost missed out on one of the funniest holiday books! I can’t believe I borrowed this last year and returned it after listening to just one chapter. For some strange reason, I just didn’t get it then.
As crazy as it may sound, this “dnf” last year is now proudly on my favorite shelf! I laughed so hard that I was in tears. I didn’t know John Grisham can be so funny.
This is what the holiday is all about. Love LOVE this book. 💓🎄
[3H 42M by Dennis Boutsikaris]3. ALLISON FAUGHT review Skipping Christmas
Going through and slowly but surely re-reviewing all of my old reviews that somehow got deleted.
This book “Skipping Christmas” is a bit nostalgic for me as I decided on a whim to pick this up early December of 2019 and so created my new obsession of books. It ended up being the perfect timing due to Covid-19 and so that’s all I ever did during lockdown. My big thanks goes out to this book and John Grisham for creating a reading monster!
I recall thinking this was such a fun book! I remember watching the corny movie numerous times growing up, but reading this as an adult I had a way different perception as I’ve started to relate to wanting to skip a large family event with a ton of people in light of the pandemic and how nice it would be to spend my Christmas or Thanksgiving morning reading or hanging out with my kids instead of making some elaborate meal that no one will end up eating or spending a fortune on Holiday-esque expenses. As such, it’s the fantasy of it rather than the reality as I couldn’t imagine not doing something that’s been such a part of my life my whole life. I think it was fun reading about something a lot of people probably fantasize about doing but know they never will because of how important seeing family and celebrating the Holidays are.
My Dad is a HUGE John Grisham fan and he tells me that his books are quite different from this one so although I anticipate I will read more from Grisham eventually, I’ll go in with expectation of his other works being still good/great, yet different from this entertaining read.
A solid 4 stars!!
4. JERRY review Skipping Christmas
All the way back in the summer of 2004, my mom and I were seeing some movie in the theater; I believe it was The Terminal, but I’m not 100% sure. We arrived earlier than usual, so, they had some advertisements for other flicks, one of which was an upcoming holiday comedy called Christmas with the Kranks. The promotional material we saw–or, actually, she saw more of it than I did; I only saw a small part of it because I made a restroom trip before the feature presentation started–mentioned that it was based on John Grisham’s Skipping Christmas. The title was likely changed to avoid confusion with Surviving Christmas, a film allegedly so dreadful that it should never have been made. Soon after we saw that ad for Christmas with the Kranks, my mom borrowed the audiobook of Skipping Christmas from the library, and had a field day with it; she said it was hilarious because of how deadpan the narrator was. That Black Friday, my mom, my grandmother, and I saw it in theaters…and I enjoyed it. We got the DVD the next Christmas season, and have watched it more than once since; in fact, it was the first film that I popped into my Blu-Ray home theater system that I got as a gift from my parents one Yule.
Despite seeing the film multiple times in various formats and even hearing parts of the audiobook version, I had never read the book…until now. While the print and celluloid versions differ in some ways, I still like both of them. The original Grisham work had occasional profanities and suggestive references–that is, more so than the flick did–that were unnecessary, but, it was still a fun story. Fans of the Allen/Curtis movie versions should seek out the book, either in print or audio format; you’ll be glad you did!
5. MR.JOE review Skipping Christmas
In SKIPPING CHRISTMAS, author John Grisham abandons his usual storyline about lawyers in distress in favor of a short, comic, yuletide fable concerning social mores and pressures, and the hazards inherent to ignoring them.
Now that their daughter has flown the coop for Peru on a Peace Corps mission, Luther and Nora Krank are left to contemplate the imminent Christmas holidays on their own. A Scrooge in the making for some time, Luther finally snaps after calculating that the last Yule Season cost him a whopping sixty-one hundred dollars. With Nora’s reluctant agreement, he decides that this year there’ll be no tree, cards, gifts, party, charitable giving, or lawn displays. Only a cruise to the Caribbean. Bah humbug!
The going gets tough and the tough get going as the Kranks turn away the Boy Scouts selling Christmas trees, the police taking donations for a toys-for-deprived-tots campaign, and the firemen and medics selling fruitcakes to fund another of the same. Most antisocial of all is their decision not to mount an illuminated Frosty figure on the roof, something that all other residents along Hemlock Street do in the hope winning the local award for best street decoration. Talk about peer pressure! Despite much skeptical and disapproving shaking of heads by neighbors and co-workers, the Kranks actually appear to be on the brink of pulling it off, including losing weight and acquiring a tanning salon bronze in preparation for the lazy days aboard ship. Then comes the disastrous phone call on Christmas Eve morning.
Luther is a 54-year old apprentice curmudgeon. At 53, I can relate to the man’s disenchantment with the Holiday Season, and would myself drop out of the festive occasion if my Better Half would let me get away with it. (Ha, fat chance!) In any case, I was cheering Luther on every step of his perilous way. Having betrayed my bias in the matter, the book’s ending still satisfactorily illustrates the value of the support network presumably found in some long-established urban neighborhoods.
SKIPPING CHRISTMAS would, I think, make a terrific movie, perhaps starring Michael Keaton and Frances McDormand. My chief objection to the book is the big hardback price for a very small volume, which can be read in a couple of hours even by the most lethargic of readers. A better value would be to buy it used.
6. A.KAPLAN review Skipping Christmas
For the legions of fans anxiously awaiting John Grisham’s latest thriller, this will probably be pretty unsatisfying. Me, I’m not a big fan of his thrillers, and am glad to see him branching out more and writing the sorts of books I enjoy reading, with The Painted House, and now this. Plus, I’m a sucker for Christmas stories.
Like most Christmas stories, this isn’t groundbreaking literature. It’s as familiar and comfortable as watching a rerun of It’s a Wonderful Life or Miracle on 34th Street while a yule log blazes away in a stocking-bedecked fireplace, and in the corner of the room you can see the lights twinkling on the Christmas tree. It’s the story of Luther and Nora Krank, who, with their daughter having joined the Peace Corps, decide to avoid their usual Christmas hassles and expenses and take a cruise instead. Of course, this shocks their neighbors, who are completely bound up in annual Christmas traditions. Told in an easy, breezy style, this story feels like the novel-length version of something that would appear in the New Yorker, poking fun at the pointlessness of all the surface trappings of Christmas in a slightly condescending but good-natured way. There are few real surprises in this story, but that isn’t the point. We aren’t reading this book for the shocks or the plot twists. We’re reading it to smile as Luthor finds himself under siege by neighborhood carolers.
While this story ultimately does nothing more than reinforce traditional Christmas values, Grisham gets points for not having someone stand up and state the obvious. Indeed, upon first finishing this story, I felt sort of irritated. I had the impression that Grisham had ended up endorsing the sorts of activities he had initially lampooned. However, upon further reflection, I saw how he had subtly underlined a more important message: it isn’t important what you do or don’t do for Christmas, but the reasons why you do it are important. For sticking to his guns without being too obvious about it, this novel earns four stars as a Christmas story.
7. LINDA review Skipping Christmas
“Why do we eat so much and drink so much in the celebration of the birth of Christ?” —John Grisham, “Skipping Christmas”
“The Kranks are skipping Christmas! No party! No Tree! Nothing but money in their pockets so they can blow it on a cruise.” —John Grisham, “Skipping Christmas”
Skipping Christmas, by John Grisham, is a delight! It’s a heartfelt comedy about the mayhem and insanity often associated with Christmas traditions.
With their only child away in the Peace Corps, then adding up Christmas in dollars and cents, it seemed like a good enough reason for Luther and Nora Krank to skip the whole affair and go on a cruise. After a comedic array of judgements from the community and unplanned mishaps, their neighbors come to their aid and turn a disastrous Christmas Eve into a family homecoming of unconditional love. Skipping Christmas is about family and love, selflessness and forgiveness. It will make you laugh and cry and warm your heart, reminding you of what the season is truly all about.
8. CHRISTINE INDORF review Skipping Christmas
I have seen Christmas with the Kranks numerous times and finally read the book Skipping Christmas. The book is very similar to the movie, but of course the book is so much better. Why because you can see inside of Luther mind. Luther is wonderful. He doesn’t want to do Christmas and go on a cruse instead, but the catch not to celebrate Christmas at all. His thoughts are brilliant. You will laugh out loud at that he is thinking. Nora unlike Luther struggles with the decision but goes along anyways. This is not a Christian book but throughout the book Luther struggles with Christmas becoming material and not the true meaning: Celebrating Jesus birth. This book is so much fun and another book you can read in a day. I highly recommend this book, even if you saw the movie. Trust me, its so worth it!!
9. GINA review Skipping Christmas
Although a bit campy and sometimes even ridiculous, this story was hilarious in parts and definitely struck a familiar chord with me. I’ve often thought about skipping all the insanity of Christmas and just going off somewhere quiet to relax, recharge and drink mai-tais, but of course family guilt and obligation has always made that impossible. I could relate to both Luther, wanting to save all that money and hassle and just do something for THEM for a change, and Nora, codependent extraordinaire who did things more out of obligation than because she truly enjoyed them (in some cases). Not having children, I didn’t feel the maternal impulse to suddenly drop all my plans and rearrange my life for my spoiled brat daughter who decided to come home at the last minute and expected everything to be the way it always was. I was really annoyed at Blair, although it was obvious she was beloved by the whole neighborhood, not just mommy and daddy. But STILL. Just one Christmas without all the BS? How many of us have fantasized about that?
The stereotypes were spot on though, and the slight exaggeration made them even funnier: the competitive neighbors trying to win the award for decorating, the begging for charitable donations and purchases (personally, I would have still done that even if I didn’t do anything else, but that’s just me). I did love the last part of the book, and the ending–predictably sappy but it did convey the spirit of Christmas and fellowship. I was actually tearing up in the car on the way to work as I finished it this morning! A cute and short holiday read, great narrator for the audio.
10. CAROL review Skipping Christmas
[Skipping Christmas] by John Grisham4.5 ★’s
Imagine a year without Christmas. No crowded malls, no corny office parties, no fruitcakes, no unwanted presents. That’s just what Luther and Nora Krank have in mind when they decide that, just this once, they’ll skip the holiday altogether. Theirs will be the only house on Hemlock Street without a rooftop Frosty; they won’t be hosting their annual Christmas Eve bash; they aren’t even going to have a tree. They won’t need one, because come December 25 they’re setting sail on a Caribbean cruise. But, as this weary couple is about to discover, skipping Christmas brings enormous consequences-and isn’t half as easy as they’d imagined.
I had never read the book but the DVD…”Christmas With The Kranks’ that is based on this book has been and remains one of my favorite holiday offerings for years. Skipping Christmas is the only Grisham book that I have ever read with none of the serious action or drama of his legal thrillers. It’s a light-hearted, funny poke at the craziness we sometimes make of Christmas. Read the book or just watch the DVD…you won’t regret it.
III. [Quote] Skipping Christmas: A Novel by John Grisham
The best book quotes from Skipping Christmas by John Grisham
“Sounds awful.”
“No, it’s wonderful. And it’s just for one year. Let’s take a break. Blair’s not here. she’ll be back next year and we can jump back into the Christmas chaos, if that’s what you want. Come on, Nora, please. We skip Christmas, save the money, and go splash in the Caribbean for ten days.”
“How much will it cost?”
“Three thousand bucks.”
“So we save money?”
“Absolutely.”
“When do we leave?”
“High noon, Christmas Day.”
They stared at each other for a long time.”“My children know nothing of Christmas. They have so little, and want so little, it makes me feel guilty for the mindless materialism of our culture.”
“(He) paused for a second and once more marveled at the speed with which one person’s private business could be so thoroughly kicked around the neighborhood.”
“This is a free country…you can do almost anything you want.”
“For her, the holidays began in late October and steadily gathered momentum until the big bang, a ten-hour marathon on Christmas Day with four meals and a packed house.”
“The gate was packed with weary travelers, most of them standing and huddled along the walls because the meager allotment of plastic chairs had long since been taken. Every plane that came and went held at least eighty passengers, yet the gate had seats for only a few dozen.”
“He was not the nostalgic type. You live life today, not tomorrow, certainly not yesterday, he always said.”
Excerpted from Skipping Christmas by John Grisham
Chapter one – Skipping Christmas
The gate was packed with weary travelers, most of them standing and huddled along the walls because the meager allotment of plastic chairs had long since been taken. Every plane that came and went held at least eighty passengers, yet the gate had seats for only a few dozen.
There seemed to be a thousand waiting for the 7 p.m. flight to Miami. They were bundled up and heavily laden, and after fighting the traffic and the check-in and the mobs along the concourse they were subdued, as a whole. It was the Sunday after Thanksgiving, one of the busiest days of the year for air travel, and as they jostled and got pushed farther into the gate many asked themselves, not for the first time, why, exactly, they had chosen this day to fly.
The reasons were varied and irrelevant at the moment. Some tried to smile. Some tried to read, but the crush and the noise made it difficult. Others just stared at the floor and waited. Nearby a skinny black Santa Claus clanged an irksome bell and droned out holiday greetings.
A small family approached, and when they saw the gate number and the mob they stopped along the edge of the concourse and began their wait. The daughter was young and pretty. Her name was Blair, and she was obviously leaving. Her parents were not. The three gazed at the crowd, and they, too, at that moment, silently asked themselves why they had picked this day to travel.
The tears were over, at least most of them. Blair was twenty-three, fresh from graduate school with a handsome resume but not ready for a career. A friend from college was in Africa with the Peace Corps, and this had inspired Blair to dedicate the next two years to helping others. Her assignment was eastern Peru, where she would teach primitive little children how to read. She would live in a lean-to with no plumbing, no electricity, no phone, and she was anxious to begin her journey.
The flight would take her to Miami, then to Lima, then by bus for three days into the mountains, into another century. For the first time in her young and sheltered life, Blair would spend Christmas away from home. Her mother clutched her hand and tried to be strong.
The good-byes had all been said. “Are you sure this is what you want?” had been asked for the hundredth time.
Luther, her father, studied the mob with a scowl on his face. What madness, he said to himself. He had dropped them at the curb, then driven miles to park in a satellite lot. A packed shuttle bus had delivered him back to Departures, and from there he had elbowed his way with his wife and daughter down to this gate. He was sad that Blair was leaving, and he detested the swarming horde of people. He was in a foul mood. Things would get worse for Luther.
The harried gate agents came to life and the passengers inched forward. The first announcement was made, the one asking those who needed extra time and those in first class to come forward. The pushing and shoving rose to the next level.
“I guess we’d better go,” Luther said to his daughter, his only child.
They hugged again and fought back the tears. Blair smiled and said, “The year will fly by. I’ll be home next Christmas.”
Nora, her mother, bit her lip and nodded and kissed her once more. “Please be careful,” she said because she couldn’t stop saying it.
“I’ll be fine.”
They released her and watched helplessly as she joined a long line and inched away, away from them, away from home and security and everything she’d ever known. As she handed over her boarding pass, Blair turned and smiled at them one last time.
“Oh well,” Luther said. “Enough of this. She’s going to be fine.”
Nora could think of nothing to say as she watched her daughter disappear. They turned and fell in with the foot traffic, one long crowded march down the concourse, past the Santa Claus with the irksome bell, past the tiny shops packed with people.
It was raining when they left the terminal and found the line for the shuttle back to the satellite, and it was pouring when the shuttle sloshed its way through the lot and dropped them off, two hundred yards from their car. It cost Luther $7.00 to free himself and his car from the greed of the airport authority.
When they were moving toward the city, Nora finally spoke. “Will she be okay?” she asked. He had heard that question so often that his response was an automatic grunt.
“Sure.”
“Do you really think so?”
“Sure.” Whether he did or he didn’t, what did it matter at this point? She was gone; they couldn’t stop her.
He gripped the wheel with both hands and silently cursed the traffic slowing in front of him. He couldn’t tell if his wife was crying or not. Luther wanted only to get home and dry off, sit by the fire, and read a magazine.
He was within two miles of home when she announced, “I need a few things from the grocery.”
“It’s raining,” he said.
“I still need them.”
“Can’t it wait?”
“You can stay in the car. Just take a minute. Go to Chip’s. It’s open today.”
So he headed for Chip’s, a place he despised not only for its outrageous prices and snooty staff but also for its impossible location. It was still raining of course–she couldn’t pick a Kroger where you could park and make a dash. No, she wanted Chip’s, where you parked and hiked.
Only sometimes you couldn’t park at all. The lot was full. The fire lanes were packed. He searched in vain for ten minutes before Nora said, “Just drop me at the curb.” She was frustrated at his inability to find a suitable spot.
He wheeled into a space near a burger joint and demanded, “Give me a list.”
“I’ll go,” she said, but only in feigned protest. Luther would hike through the rain and they both knew it.
“Gimme a list.”
“Just white chocolate and a pound of pistachios,” she said, relieved.
“That’s all?”
“Yes, and make sure it’s Logan’s chocolate, one-pound bar, and Lance Brothers pistachios.”
“And this couldn’t wait?”
“No, Luther, it cannot wait. I’m doing dessert for lunch tomorrow. If you don’t want to go, then hush up and I’ll go.”
He slammed the door. His third step was into a shallow pothole. Cold water soaked his right ankle and oozed down quickly into his shoe. He froze for a second and caught his breath, then stepped away on his toes, trying desperately to spot other puddles while dodging traffic.
Chip’s believed in high prices and modest rent. It was on a side alley, not visible from anywhere really. Next to it was a wine shop run by a European of some strain who claimed to be French but was rumored to be Hungarian. His English was awful but he’d learned the language of price gouging. Probably learned it from Chip’s next door. In fact all the shops in the District, as it was known, strove to be discriminating.
And every shop was full. Another Santa clanged away with the same bell outside the cheese shop. “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” rattled from a hidden speaker above the sidewalk in front of Mother Earth, where the crunchy people were no doubt still wearing their sandals. Luther hated the store–refused to set foot inside. Nora bought organic herbs there, for what reason he’d never been certain. The old Mexican who owned the cigar store was happily stringing lights in his window, pipe stuck in the corner of his mouth, smoke drifting behind him, fake snow already sprayed on a fake tree.
There was a chance of real snow later in the night. The shoppers wasted no time as they hustled in and out of the stores. The sock on Luther’s right foot was now frozen to his ankle.
There were no shopping baskets near the checkout at Chip’s, and of course this was a bad sign. Luther didn’t need one, but it meant the place was packed. The aisles were narrow and the inventory was laid out in such a way that nothing made sense. Regardless of what was on your list, you had to crisscross the place half a dozen times to finish up.
A stock boy was working hard on a display of Christmas chocolates. A sign by the butcher demanded that all good customers order their Christmas turkeys immediately. New Christmas wines were in! And Christmas hams!
What a waste, Luther thought to himself. Why do we eat so much and drink so much in the celebration of the birth of Christ? He found the pistachios near the bread. Odd how that made sense at Chip’s. The white chocolate was nowhere near the baking section, so Luther cursed under his breath and trudged along the aisles, looking at everything. He got bumped by a shopping cart. No apology, no one noticed. “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” was coming from above, as if Luther was supposed to be comforted. Might as well be “Frosty the Snowman.”
Two aisles over, next to a selection of rice from around the world, there was a shelf of baking chocolates. As he stepped closer, he recognized a one-pound bar of Logan’s. Another step closer and it suddenly disappeared, snatched from his grasp by a harsh-looking woman who never saw him. The little space reserved for Logan’s was empty, and in the next desperate moment Luther saw not another speck of white chocolate. Lots of dark and medium chips and such, but nothing white.
The express line was, of course, slower than the other two. Chip’s’ outrageous prices forced its customers to buy in small quantities, but this had no effect whatsoever on the speed with which they came and went. Each item was lifted, inspected, and manually entered into the register by an unpleasant cashier. Sacking was hit or miss, though around Christmas the sackers came to life with smiles and enthusiasm and astounding recall of customers’ names. It was the tipping season, yet another unseemly aspect of Christmas that Luther loathed.
Six bucks and change for a pound of pistachios. He shoved the eager young sacker away, and for a second thought he might have to strike him to keep his precious pistachios out of another bag. He stuffed them into the pocket of his overcoat and quickly left the store.
A crowd had stopped to watch the old Mexican decorate his cigar store window. He was plugging in little robots who trudged through the fake snow, and this delighted the crowd no end. Luther was forced to move off the curb, and in doing so he stepped just left instead of just right. His left foot sank into five inches of cold slush. He froze for a split second, sucking in lungfuls of cold air, cursing the old Mexican and his robots and his fans and the damned pistachios. He yanked his foot upward and slung dirty water on his pants leg, and standing at the curb with two frozen feet and the bell clanging away and “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” blaring from the loudspeaker and the sidewalk blocked by revelers, Luther began to hate Christmas.
The water had seeped into his toes by the time he reached his car. “No white chocolate,” he hissed at Nora as he crawled behind the wheel.
She was wiping her eyes.
“What is it now?” he demanded.
“I just talked to Blair.”
“What? How? Is she all right?”
“She called from the airplane. She’s fine.” Nora was biting her lip, trying to recover.
Exactly how much does it cost to phone home from thirty thousand feet? Luther wondered. He’d seen phones on planes. Any credit card’ll do. Blair had one he’d given her, the type where the bills are sent to Mom and Dad. From a cell phone up there to a cell phone down here, probably at least ten bucks.
And for what? I’m fine, Mom. Haven’t seen you in almost an hour. We all love each other. We’ll all miss each other. Gotta go, Mom.
The engine was running though Luther didn’t remember starting it.
“You forgot the white chocolate?” Nora asked, fully recovered.
“No. I didn’t forget it. They didn’t have any.”
“Did you ask Rex?”
“Who’s Rex?”
“The butcher.”
“No, Nora, for some reason I didn’t think to ask the butcher if he had any white chocolate hidden among his chops and livers.”
She yanked the door handle with all the frustration she could muster. “I have to have it. Thanks for nothing.” And she was gone.
I hope you step in frozen water, Luther grumbled to himself. He fumed and muttered other unpleasantries. He switched the heater vents to the floorboard to thaw his feet, then watched the large people come and go at the burger place. Traffic was stalled on the streets beyond.
How nice it would be to avoid Christmas, he began to think. A snap of the fingers and it’s January 2. No tree, no shopping, no meaningless gifts, no tipping, no clutter and wrappings, no traffic and crowds, no fruitcakes, no liquor and hams that no one needed, no “Rudolph” and “Frosty, ” no office party, no wasted money. His list grew long. He huddled over the wheel, smiling now, waiting for heat down below, dreaming pleasantly of escape.
She was back, with a small brown sack which she tossed beside him just carefully enough not to crack the chocolate while letting him know that she’d found it and he hadn’t. “Everybody knows you have to ask,” she said sharply as she yanked at her shoulder harness.
“Odd way of marketing,” Luther mused, in reverse now. “Hide it by the butcher, make it scarce, folks’ll clamor for it. I’m sure they charge more if it’s hidden.”
“Oh hush, Luther.”
“Are your feet wet?”
“No. Yours?”
“No.”
“Then why’d you ask?”
“Just worried.”
“Do you think she’ll be all right?”
“She’s on an airplane. You just talked to her.”
“I mean down there, in the jungle.”
“Stop worrying, okay? The Peace Corps wouldn’t send her into a dangerous place.”
“It won’t be the same.”
“What?”
“Christmas.”
It certainly will not, Luther almost said. Oddly, he was smiling as he worked his way through traffic.
….
Note: Above are quotes and excerpts from the book “Skipping Christmas: A Novel by John Grisham”. If you find it interesting and useful, don’t forget to buy paper books to support the Author and Publisher!
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