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| Categories | Business Culture |
| Author | Mel Robbins |
| Publisher | Hay House LLC (December 24, 2024) |
| Language | English |
| Paperback | 336 pages |
| Item Weight | 1.3 pounds |
| Dimensions |
6.31 x 1.14 x 9.31 inches |
I. Book introduction
A Life-Changing Tool Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About
What if the key to happiness, success, and love was as simple as two words?
If you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or frustrated with where you are, the problem isn’t you. The problem is the power you give to other people. Two simple words—Let Them—will set you free. Free from the opinions, drama, and judgments of others. Free from the exhausting cycle of trying to manage everything and everyone around you. The Let Them Theory puts the power to create a life you love back in your hands—and this book will show you exactly how to do it.
In her latest groundbreaking book, The Let Them Theory, Mel Robbins—New York Times bestselling author and one of the world’s most respected experts on motivation, confidence, and mindset—teaches you how to stop wasting energy on what you can’t control and start focusing on what truly matters: YOU. Your happiness. Your goals. Your life.
Using the same no-nonsense, science-backed approach that’s made The Mel Robbins Podcast a global sensation, Robbins explains why The Let Them Theory is already loved by millions and how you can apply it in eight key areas of your life to make the biggest impact. Within a few pages, you’ll realize how much energy and time you’ve been wasting trying to control the wrong things—at work, in relationships, and in pursuing your goals—and how this is keeping you from the happiness and success you deserve.
Written as an easy-to-understand guide, Robbins shares relatable stories from her own life, highlights key takeaways, relevant research and introduces you to world-renowned experts in psychology, neuroscience, relationships, happiness, and ancient wisdom who champion The Let Them Theory every step of the way.
Learn how to:
- Stop wasting energy on things you can’t control
- Stop comparing yourself to other people
- Break free from fear and self-doubt
- Release the grip of people’s expectations
- Build the best friendships of your life
- Create the love you deserve
- Pursue what truly matters to you with confidence
- Build resilience against everyday stressors and distractions
- Define your own path to success, joy, and fulfillment
- . . and so much more.
The Let Them Theory will forever change the way you think about relationships, control, and personal power. Whether you want to advance your career, motivate others to change, take creative risks, find deeper connections, build better habits, start a new chapter, or simply create more happiness in your life and relationships, this book gives you the mindset and tools to unlock your full potential.
Order your copy of The Let Them Theory now and discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words.
About the Author (Mel Robbins)
Mel Robbins (born October 6, 1968) is the creator and host of the award-winning The Mel Robbins Podcast, one of the most successful podcasts in the world, and a #1 New York Times bestselling author. She has amassed 22 million followers online and is considered the most sought after expert in life improvement, mindset, and behavior change. The Wall Street Journal calls her a “billion-view podcaster” and TIME Magazine says she gives millions of listeners around the globe “a reason to believe in themselves.”
Her books have been translated into 50 languages and include the #1 New York Times, #1 Amazon, #1 Audible, and #1 Sunday Times bestselling The Let Them Theory, which is the most successful non-fiction book launch in history, with over 1.2 million copies sold within a month of its release date. She is also the author of the multimillion-copy-selling The 5 Second Rule, The High 5 Habit, and seven #1 audiobook releases on Audible.
USA Today calls Mel “a force to be reckoned with.” She is a global phenomenon in the publishing industry and podcasting. Her Boston-based media production company, 143 Studios, produces award-winning content, podcasts, events, audio series, online courses, journals, and books, along with professional development education for partners like Starbucks, Ulta Beauty, JP Morgan Chase, LinkedIn, Headspace, and Audible.
The Mel Robbins Podcast has won some of the most prestigious awards given to podcasts, including Webby, Signal Awards, and more. It was also recognized as one of Apple Podcasts‘ Top Shared and Followed Shows of 2024 and 2023 and Spotify Top Global Shows of 2024. Notable accolades for Robbins include being a Forbes 50 Over 50 Honoree, USA Today Top 5 Mindset & Performance Coaches in the World, and one of the fifty most influential influencers on The Hollywood Reporter’s Creator A-List in 2024.
II. Reviewer: The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
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1. MAJA MILOCANOVICH reviews The Let Them Theory
When I was starting this book, I saw that Oprah said this is the best self help book (in idk how long) – and I thought – wow, that’s probably a bit of a stretch…
But, nope ! This really is one of the best in general, and definitely the best personal development book I have read in years!!
It has so many lessons and takeaways that I actually can not really even digest them all right now. I’ll have to come back to the book, highlight and re-read and take it all in.
Apart from being full of excellent and freeing advice, it felt like this huge therapy session! I felt comforted, understood, seen, like I was given tools and directions! Like, this wasn’t some theories and empty talk book that you read and have no idea how to actually apply anything from it.. It was practical, actionable, doable!
Mel is also so incredibly vulnerable and honest, and her ability to show up as this flawed person and still show love and kindness for herself, and the fact that *I* see her faults and still like her – it really gives you proof and permission to be just as you are. To accept and forgive that previous version, to know and express you have issues and have made mistakes – but does not make you any less lovable or less of a person.
This whole book serves as a reminder that the best is yet to come, that we really do – live and learn –
and that every new day, no matter our age or situation; is the opportunity to choose better for ourselves and those around us.
A perfect book to start the new year with & one I’ll be recommending over and over again!
Thank you, Mel, this was incredible and so full of value !!! 🩷
2. JUSTIN TATE reviews The Let Them Theory
Plenty of flaws, but everyone who reads it will likely gain significant wisdom. For that, you gotta give it five stars.
The core bit of advice involves the mantra “let them” whenever you encounter a situation you want to control but can’t. Let cashiers be slow at the check-out counter. Let your family have crazy political beliefs. Rather than dwell and fester, move on. Queen Elsa sang about this back in 2013 and if you want to save yourself $20 bucks, maybe give that song a listen and take it to heart.
The book adds a major second layer of self-help guidance, however. After you “let them” do whatever annoying thing it is that they do, Mel encourages you to think “let me.”
The “let me” part of the “let them” theory is where things get interesting. It’s what differentiates going completely numb to the world to being an empowered player in life.
Tired of people with stupid political beliefs? Let them have them. But then Let Me decide what to do. This could mean ignore them, disassociate from them, join a protest movement, or even run for office. When you free yourself of the need to control other people, you empower yourself to control your own destiny.
We’ll never stop encountering situations we don’t like. Let Them happen. Life isn’t fair. But “Let Me” decide how to adapt to the situation.
The book steers itself into unexpected and sometimes seemingly less relevant side topics, including a lengthy discussion on marriage and relationships, but generally it all comes back to this premise. The theory is easy to understand, easy to apply to life, and will almost certainly result in a net positive if utilized.
Where the book gets tedious is in its habit to beat a dead horse. Mel repeats herself six different ways when getting a point across. Is it annoying? Yes. But Let Her do her thing. And Let Me decide if I’m going to keep reading or skip ahead a few pages.
For me, the repetition wasn’t so bad that I didn’t keep chugging along. This was helped, I think, by her tour de force audiobook performance. I don’t listen to Mel’s podcast, but she has a unique gift for sounding genuine and coming across as your personal best friend, even if her audience is in the millions.
Flaws aside, this felt like a book of cultural significance that can and should make waves. Highly recommended, especially on audio.
3. NAT CROCKS reviews The Let Them Theory
This book has shifted my mindset. It has given me insight into issues and problems that, quite frankly, I have spent years mulling over, trying to figure out. There are some real lightbulb moments that I discovered, specifically when Robbins talks about emotional immaturity. Let Me is powerful and I hope to be able to integrate the practice into every aspect of my life. I will definitely read this book again. I find myself lighter, more compassionate and already feeling the benefits in my relationships and in myself.
My biggest takeaway is learning that I can’t control so many things in life but I have been living as if I am personally responsible for everything. I have learned that it’s not my responsibility to manage people’s moods and feelings. It’s my responsibility to manage me.
Robbins is a natural storyteller and listening to her reading is like being part of a great conversation. The anecdotes she discusses from her own experience are relatable and, at times, hilarious! I’ve aptly finished this book on New Year’s Day and look to 2025 with much more joy and optimism.
4. ADI reviews The Let Them Theory
“Let Go and Find Peace: A Simple Yet Powerful Mindset Shift”
Book Review: The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
Mel Robbins’ Let Them is a straightforward and impactful book that delivers a simple yet profound message: let people do whatever they want. Rather than wasting energy trying to control or change others, Robbins encourages readers to focus on their own responses and boundaries.
Key Takeaways:
- People will do what they want, and that’s okay. Instead of resisting this reality, accept it and adjust your own actions accordingly.
- Your peace comes from within, not from controlling others. Letting go of expectations allows for emotional freedom.
- Boundaries matter. Instead of trying to change others, focus on setting clear personal boundaries that protect your peace.
Writing Style:
- Robbins keeps it simple and conversational, making the book easy to read and apply immediately. There’s no fluff—just practical advice that resonates.
Final Thoughts:
- If you struggle with people-pleasing, frustration, or feeling stuck because of others’ actions, Let Them offers a refreshing mindset shift. It’s a quick read but leaves a lasting impact.
5. MAKANA reviews The Let Them Theory
A MUST READ FOR EVERY SOUL ON THIS PLANET!!!
This book is beyond life transforming. It is healing and it will change your perspective on yourself, on others and on your whole life forever and you wont’ be the same again while and after you read this amazing book. It helps you to discard your past as easy as a used tissue paper which you may need to wipe away some of the tears of joy or tears of relief. This is one of the books which I cannot put down because it has so much valuable information in it that I am absorbing everything like a sponge. It is simply breathtaking and so awesome and is a great addition for the ones who are so courageous to go to therapy or a gentle replacement for the timid ones who are afraid of any therapy. It is the greatest gift you can give your friends, your family members or simply anyone you care about because it encourages everyone to embrace the sweet personal steps of individual change naturally. I am just blown away how it easily this Mel assists every dear one to move forward in and with life and get out of any dead end street and start improving all relationships. Smile and have fun reading it. I send you all a big encouraging hug.
6. J ARIAS reviews The Let Them Theory
Read it and Let It Change Your Life!
This book and this theory are life-changing. They are easy to implement, and I also have the Audiobook and I highly recommend that as well because Mel narrates her own book. It is like having a personal conversation with her. The book is easy to read, easy to understand and applies to all humans and any age, and she includes a part at the end to help kids use the theory too.
7. ANGELA WISEMAN reviews The Let Them Theory
life transforming
I absolutely loved this book and how simple the worlds to transform your life are but how unknown they truly are. I love the tools that were mentioned to try to love you life to the fullest unashamedly and happily and that will look so different for every single person. I love that you can change into a person that is still caring but doesn’t cover the weight of other people’s actions because that’s on them just as how you act is on you.
8. LISA J. SHULTZ reviews The Let Them Theory
Empowering!
This book will probably be in my top 3 reads of 2025 for positive impact and value. It is an empowering book that I savored as I read a chapter a day until I finished it. Personally, I resonated with the first half of the book more than the second half. I felt that I got what I needed early on, but I did finish the book.
I find myself saying, “Let Them” to myself regularly. And I focus on what I can do in the face of difficulties (let me). If you are in need of a boost in self-empowerment, this book will probably be that nudge.
9. MADELINE MARTIN reviews The Let Them Theory
Wow did I need this book! It’s so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day stresses and worries, especially as a mom. Mel Robbins’s message is so simple, yet so impactful. The reminder to let others do what they will is a powerful one – equally as powerful is the reminder to ‘let me’ to do the work to improve if we need to improve and to learn what to let go of.
I listened to this book and really enjoyed Mel’s narration of her own book. And when she got choked up in the acknowledgments thanking her daughter, I did too. Mel has had an incredible story and the vulnerability of everything she shared made this book all the more impactful.
I highly recommend this book for those who may care a little too much, worry a little too much, and need the time to time reminder to let people be who they are.
10. MURUGI MUNYI reviews The Let Them Theory
I haven’t read a self-help book in a really long time as I usually prefer fiction. But when I saw this trending, the title immediately told me that I NEEDED to read it. And my gosh was I right 🥲🥹 I’m not exaggerating when I say that this book has changed my outlook on life and my approach to my relationships. I have learned so much. I could literally feel myself changing as I read it. It was an easy listen on audible (very well narrated).. unlike other self-help books I have read in the past, this one felt very actionable and straightforward. Not pie-in-the-sky kind of theoretical writing.
Thank you Mel Robbins for sharing your mind and your gift with us 🙏🏽
III. The Let Them Theory Quotes by Mel Robbins
The best book quotes from The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
“The problem with waiting is no one is coming. The only permission you need is your own.”
“The problem isn’t you. The problem isthe power you unknowingly give to other people.”
“The truth is, other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them. Here’s why this works: When you stop trying to control things that aren’t yours to control, you stop wasting your energy. You reclaim your time, your peace of mind, and your focus. You realize that your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else’s behavior, opinions, or mood.”
“The Let Them Theory will teach you that the more you let other people live their lives, the better your life gets. And, the more you let people be who they are, or feel what they feel, or think what they think, the better your relationships will be. Learning how to let adults be adults has changed my life. And it will change yours too, because when you finally stop giving your power to other people, you’ll see how much power you truly have.”
“My point is simple: Adults will have negative opinions about you and everything you do. Let Them judge. Let Them react. Let Them doubt you. Let Them question the decisions you are making. Let Them be wrong about you. Let Them roll their eyes when you start posting videos online or you want to rewrite the manuscript for the 12th time. Instead of wasting your time worrying about them, start living your life in a way that makes you proud of yourself. Let Me do what I want to do with my one wild and precious life.”
“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, Let Them. If the person that you’re really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, Let Them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, Let Them. So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations. And the truth is, if somebody else—a person you’re dating, a business partner, a family member—if they’re not showing up how you need them to show up, do not try to force them to change. Let Them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just Let Them and then you get to choose what you do next.”
“Focusing on what you can’t control makes you stressed. Focusing on what you can control makes you powerful.”
“The more you use the Let Them Theory, the more you’ll realize that, underneath this fear, your soul has been nudging you all along in the direction that is meant for you.”
“And if you understand that emotions are a normal part of life, and that adults are allowed to feel the ups and downs and can survive it, you would be more courageous. It’s not your job to protect everybody else from feeling emotions. Your job and responsibility is to live your life in a way that is aligned with your values, and in a way that gets you. Sometimes that’s going to hurt someone. It’s going to disappoint them. It’s going to cause pain or heartbreak knowing that your decision will hurt someone else—and it’s going to be one of the hardest things you’re going to do in life. When I know my actions may disappoint or upset someone, I find it helpful to remember Dr. Damour’s framing that negative emotions are a mentally healthy response to life’s upsets. People are allowed to be upset when you change your mind, and disappointed or heartbroken when you break up. People are allowed to be depressed when they lose their job. So how do you do this, and how do you manage the excruciating level of guilt and discomfort YOU are going to feel when you make a hard decision that you know is the right decision for you?”
“Acceptance of another person, as they are, is the foundation of a healthy and loving relationship. When someone feels that you accept them as they are, they feel safe with you. The opposite happens when you pressure, change, criticize, push, or expect someone to behave differently than they are. This pressure puts you and your loved one in a battle for control,”
“That’s one of my biggest takeaways from using the Let Them Theory: You will never be able to control what is happening around you. You will also never be able to control your emotional responses, because they are automatic—just like how your stress response turns on automatically. But you can always choose what you think, say, or do in response to other people, the world around you, or the emotions that are rising up inside of you. That’s the source of all your power.”
“The reason to make a herculean effort, or to show up both at your friend’s birthday party and to see your grandparents, is that it makes YOU proud of yourself. Don’t go to your friend’s birthday so they think you are a good friend. Go to your friend’s birthday because it makes YOU feel like a good friend. Don’t go home to see your grandparents because it makes your mother happy. Go home to see your grandparents because it makes YOU happy to prioritize your grandparents and family.”
“The more I said Let Them, the more time I had for myself. Time to think. Time to breathe. Time to have fun. Time to spend on what mattered to me. Time to take care of myself.”
“People only heal when they are ready to do it for themselves. These are deeply personal, difficult battles. . . and they can only be fought by that person when they’re ready to fight. You cannot make them fight. You cannot make them get sober. You cannot make someone financially responsible. You cannot make them heal.”
“That’s why the theory only works if you say both parts. When you say Let Them, you make a conscious decision not to allow other people’s behavior to bother you. When you say Let Me, you take responsibility for what YOU do next.”
“Here’s how you use the Let Them Theory to process your own emotions in a healthy way: When you feel your emotions rising up, Let Them. Allow the anger, the frustration, the hurt, the disappointment, the sadness, the grief, the tears, and the feelings of failure to come up. Let Them. And then, Let Me not react. Don’t reach for your phone. Don’t turn on the TV. Don’t make a drink. Don’t open the fridge. And for crying out loud, don’t text anyone. Just notice the feelings and Let Them rise up. The reason why you must learn how to Let Them rise is that once they do, they also fall.”
“Never feel bad about asking for what you deserve. Never hint about something as important as a commitment. Being able to have honest conversations is the foundation of a loving and healthy relationship. So don’t fear this, embrace it. If the relationship is meant to be, this conversation will make it stronger. A real conversation only destroys something that is fake.”
“The Let Them Theory is not about superiority at all. It’s about balance. It’s about making room for both you and someone else. It’s about giving other people the space and the grace to live their lives—and then giving yourself the same.”
“Emotions are also contagious. Seeing someone else sad, afraid, disgusted, or angry can cause you to experience these same emotions in your own body. This explains why someone else’s tone of voice, their shift in energy, their bad mood, and their body language can immediately trigger you to feel on edge. And one more thing to understand is that whenever you or another person are hungry, or tired, or stressed-out, or under the influence, or lonely, or angry, or hurt, you’ll be even more emotional. I say this because whenever I do or say something I later regret, there is usually stress, alcohol, or hunger involved. Knowing all this helps me to make the changes to better manage my emotions and helps me stay in control of what I say, do, and think.”
“action is the answer. Thinking about your problems will never solve them. Waiting around to feel like doing something means you’ll never do it. It taught me that no one is coming to save you. You must save yourself from yourself. You have to force yourself to make little moves forward, all day, every day, especially when you don’t feel like it.”
“First, it’s never your job to manage another adult’s emotions. When someone pulls the silent treatment on you, or plays the victim, or erupts in frustration, Let Them. And then I want you to visualize an eight-year-old trapped inside their body. When you do that, something wild happens. You don’t feel scared of this person. You actually pity them. You feel compassion instead of contempt.”
“People avoid healing because they do not believe they can face the pain they are running from. So Let Them borrow their belief from you. Because when someone feels accepted, loved, and supported, it’s easier for them to believe in their ability to step back into life too.”
“I’ve made this mistake. I thought, If I can just make their life easier, I make change easier, right? Wrong. There is a huge difference between trying to make someone’s pain go away and offering support that allows them to do the work themselves.”
“The reality is, no matter how hard you try or what you do, you cannot control other people. And yet, you live your life as if you can.”
“First, it’s never your job to manage another adult’s emotions. When someone pulls the silent treatment on you, or plays the victim, or erupts in frustration, Let Them. And then I want you to visualize an eight-year-old trapped inside their body. When you do that, something wild happens. You don’t feel scared of this person. You actually pity them. You feel compassion instead of contempt. You will also realize that their inability to process normal human emotions like sadness, insecurity, disappointment, anger, fear, and rejection is not your fault. And it’s also not your problem to solve. This has been happening to this person since they were a child.”
“Emotions are just a burst of chemicals in your brain that ignite and are absorbed into your body within six seconds. Because your emotional reactions happen so fast, they can often be completely unconscious. You may first notice your emotions through the physical sensations that accompany the chemical burst, such as sweating, muscle tightness, or a racing heartbeat. Research shows that most emotions will rise up, and then fall away, within 90 seconds, if you don’t react to them. You cannot control your emotions from rising up. Trying to is a waste of your time. The better strategy is learning to just Let Them rise up and then fall without reacting. There is also nothing you can do that will ever allow you to control the emotional reactions in another human being, no matter how hard you try.”
“The more I said Let Them the more I realized that a lot of what I worried about wasn’t worth my time, nor did it deserve my attention. And not everyone was worth my energy. It was liberating. The more I said Let Them, the more time I had for myself. Time to think. Time to breathe. Time to have fun. Time to spend on what mattered to me. Time to take care of myself.”
“You either click with some people or you don’t. You can’t explain it, and neither can they, but you have to trust it. The energy is either on or it’s off. There is no scientific reason to explain it. You just have to trust it. And here is another hard truth: Energy shifts over time. Sometimes for the worse, and sometimes for the better. And that’s a good thing, because it means that you and the people in your life are growing into new versions of yourselves.”
“When you’re an adult, your life, happiness, health, healing, social life, friendships, boundaries, needs, and success are all your responsibility. If you’ve been secretly hoping someone else would come and rescue you, fix your problems, pay your bills, create a social life, heal your wounds, change into your dream partner, and motivate you to be your best. . . it’s not going to happen. No one is coming. And any time you spend blaming other people, or waiting for permission or an invitation, is wasted. Those days are over. It’s time to take full responsibility for your happiness, your dreams, and your life. After all, responsibility is simply the ability to respond. And as you’ve just learned, true power lies in your response.”
“The fact is, it is impossible to control someone else’s thoughts. Therefore, fearing what other people think, or trying to control their thoughts, is a complete waste of your time. You will never feel in control of your life, your feelings, your thoughts, or your actions until you stop being consumed with or trying to control what other people think about you.”
“At some point, you’re going to realize that your parents aren’t going to be here forever, and that this was their first time as a human being too.”
“Let Them show you who they are. Their disrespect doesn’t say anything about you. How you respond does.”
“You are never stuck. That’s a lie you tell yourself. You can leave a job, a relationship, a living situation, a date, an interview, or a conversation any time you want to.”
Excerpted from The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
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