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| Categories | Genre Fiction |
| Author | Rebecca Yarros |
| Publisher | Entangled: Amara (February 26, 2019) |
| Language | English |
| Paperback | 432 pages |
| Item Weight | 14.4 ounces |
| Dimensions |
5.3 x 1.1 x 8.05 inches |
I. Book introduction
“The Last Letter is a haunting, heartbreaking and ultimately inspirational love story.“―InTouch Weekly
Beckett,
If you’re reading this, well, you know the last-letter drill. You made it. I didn’t. Get off the guilt train, because I know if there was any chance you could have saved me, you would have.
I need one thing from you: get out of the army and get to Telluride.
My little sister Ella’s raising the twins alone. She’s too independent and won’t accept help easily, but she has lost our grandmother, our parents, and now me. It’s too much for anyone to endure. It’s not fair.
And here’s the kicker: there’s something else you don’t know that’s tearing her family apart. She’s going to need help.
So if I’m gone, that means I can’t be there for Ella. I can’t help them through this. But you can. So I’m begging you, as my best friend, go take care of my sister, my family.
Please don’t make her go through it alone.
Ryan
Plot Summary
“The Last Letter” by Rebecca Yarros is a heartwarming and poignant novel that takes readers on a rollercoaster of emotions. Yarros has masterfully woven a tale of love, loss, and redemption that resonates with readers of all ages.
The story revolves around Ella and Beckett, two characters entangled in a web of circumstances that challenge their beliefs and redefine their understanding of love. Ella is a resilient young woman passionate about life, and Beckett is a dedicated pilot with a haunted past. Their paths cross unexpectedly, leading to a connection that transcends the boundaries of time and circumstance.
The narrative is skillfully crafted, alternating between the past and the present, gradually unraveling the layers of the characters’ lives. Yarros employs a narrative technique that keeps the reader engaged and invested in the unfolding drama. As we delve into the characters’ backstories, we discover the depth of their struggles and the scars that have shaped them.
At the heart of the novel is the theme of love. Yarros explores the different facets of love – the unbreakable bond between family, the passionate connection between lovers, and the enduring friendships that withstand the test of time. Ella’s love for her brother, Ollie, is particularly touching, and readers will find themselves rooting for this sibling duo throughout the narrative.
The romance between Ella and Beckett is beautifully portrayed, with Yarros skillfully capturing the chemistry and tension between the two characters. The author avoids clichés and delivers a love story that feels authentic and relatable. The ups and downs of their relationship keep the reader on the edge of their seat, eagerly turning pages to see how it will all unfold.
One of the standout elements of “The Last Letter” is the setting. Yarros takes readers on a visual journey through breathtaking landscapes, from the picturesque mountains of Colorado to the adrenaline-pumping scenes in the cockpit of an airplane. The vivid descriptions create a cinematic experience, allowing readers to immerse themselves in the world of the characters.
The novel also delves into themes of courage and resilience. Both Ella and Beckett face formidable challenges that require them to confront their fears and embrace the strength within themselves. Yarros delivers powerful messages about the human spirit’s ability to overcome adversity and find hope in the darkest times.
The supporting cast of characters adds depth and dimension to the story. Each character, from Ella’s best friend Skyler to Beckett’s fellow soldiers, plays a crucial role in shaping the narrative. Their interactions contribute to the overall richness of the novel, creating a tapestry of relationships that complement the central love story.
“The Last Letter” is not without its share of heart-wrenching moments. Yarros skillfully navigates the emotional terrain, bringing readers to tears one moment and lifting their spirits the next. The novel tugs at the heartstrings without veering into melodrama, striking a perfect balance that keeps the emotional impact genuine.
As the story hurtles towards its climax, Yarros introduces a twist that adds a layer of complexity to the narrative. The revelation is unexpected yet seamlessly woven into the story’s fabric, keeping readers engaged and eager to discover the resolution.
In the end, “The Last Letter” leaves a lasting impression. The novel is a testament to the enduring power of love, the strength of the human spirit, and the importance of seizing the moment. Rebecca Yarros has crafted a memorable tale that will linger in readers’ hearts long after they turn the last page. The characters’ journeys, the breathtaking landscapes, and the poignant themes all come together to create a literary experience that is both emotionally resonant and immensely satisfying. “The Last Letter” is a must-read for anyone who appreciates a beautifully written love story with depth and substance.
About Rebecca Yarros
Rebecca Yarros is an American author. She is best known for the Empyrean fantasy book series, which will be adapted into a television series with Amazon; Yarros will serve as a non-writing executive producer. Yarros graduated from Troy University, where she studied European history and English.
The first book in the Empyrean series, Fourth Wing, was published in April 2023 by Red Tower Books. In May, it landed fourth on the Libro.fm bestseller list. By late June, it was a number one bestseller on Amazon. As of August 2024, the book had spent 65 weeks on The New York Times Best Seller list, including in the top position. It also landed on the Libro.fm bestseller list in the second spot in August and third spot in September. Additionally, it was a top-ten book club pick for September. In October and November 2023, Fourth Wing was on USA Today’s list of the top ten bestselling books. In March 2024 the title was shortlisted for the Young Adult Jury Award of the German Youth Literature Awards which will be awarded at the Frankfurt Book Fair in October.
The sequel, Iron Flame, was released in November 2023. In July 2023, Waterstones indicated that it became the “fastest selling pre-order title in a single day on [the] website with [the] special edition selling out in just seven hours”. Yarros has indicated that the series will ultimately include five books.
In October 2023, it was announced that Michael B. Jordan’s Outlier Society and Amazon MGM Studios purchased the rights to adapt the novel series into a television series. Yarros and Entangled Publishing’s Liz Pelletier will serve as non-writing executive producers.
In 2014, Full Measures was nominated for the Goodreads Choice Award for Debut Goodreads Author.
In 2019, Kirkus Reviews included The Last Letter on their list of the year’s best books.
Fourth Wing was an Amazon, Libro.fm, New York Times, and USA Today bestselling novel. It was also a top ten book club pick for September 2023. Booklist included it on their “Top 10 SF/Fantasy & Horror: 2023” list.
Rebecca Yarros began writing while her husband was deployed in Afghanistan. As of October 2023, she and her husband have six children.
Yarros has Ehlers–Danlos syndrome, as do her sons. Yarros and her husband initially fostered a daughter, eventually adopting her; their daughter is nonverbal and on the autism spectrum. Through the nonprofit OneOctober, which she co-founded with her husband in 2019, Yarros is passionate about improving the lives of children in the foster system.
II. Reviewer: The Last Letter
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1. DEBRA reviews for The Last Letter
4.5 stars
Wear waterproof mascara while reading this book. Seriously, waterproof mascara and tissues. If you need a good cry, read this book. Anyone remember seeing Tammy Taye Bakker cry with mascara running down her face on TV? That was pretty much me while reading this book. Cry-a-rama occurred at my house today.
2. CARRIE reviews for The Last Letter
The Last Letter by Rebecca Yarros is as much a heartbreaking as it is heartwarming contemporary romance. For anyone not familiar what the title, The Last Letter, is referring to the book is about a soldier who was killed in duty leaving a letter to be read after his death.
Beckett and Ryan were best friends serving together in the military with both men not having much in the way of family. Ryan did have his sister back home though and seeing Beckett with no one to communicate with he set up Ella and Beckett as pen pals. When Ryan was killed in
3. KRIS reviews for The Last Letter
Beautiful but wrecked me.
Absolutely amazing book. It absolutely wrecked me. It was so devastatingly heartbreaking but beautiful at the same time. I read it in one sitting because I couldn’t put it down. Tugs at your heartstrings and had full blown tears coming down. She writes so well and you feel the words as if it’s your own personal story being told.
4. SAMANTHA M reviews for The Last Letter
I think this is the first tear jerker military-esque romance novel I have read since I read Dear John in high school and had an OBSESSION with Nicholas Sparks. Let’s start off by saying I began this book and not even 10% in I’m sobbing. I will say my sadness with children did get 10x worse with having my own son so maybe if you weren’t a parent you might be slightly less sad. Ella is a well fleshed out strong character and Beckett is also a great character with many flaws but also well thought out and rounded. I felt even all of the side characters were perfect. The whole story line is very hallmark movie to me and my first book by Rebecca Yarros was Fourth Wing which I was surprised to see was her only fantasy/romantasy series. It took a week to read because of work and I was also doing a buddy read so I had to work around my life. I LOVED this book. I really love any book that makes me feel all of the feelings. I loved Beckett and Ella’s chemistry, I loved his love of her children, I loved his connection with his dog and his teammates. If you are a fan of Nicholas Sparks and their movies or hallmark movies this one is for y’all. It ripped my heart out but also made me laugh and hold my loved ones a little tighter.
5. AMY BOSICA reviews for The Last Letter
There are books that you read, and you completely forget them once you come to the end. And then there are books like this one. Books that embed themselves deep within you. Books that stir up all of your emotions and you just know that reading this book is going to change your life. The Last Letter is that kind of book. It’s the kind of book that just calls out to your soul and demands to be read. It’s the kind of book that you think you’re prepared for, but you couldn’t be more wrong. It’s the kind of book that destroys you, yet fills you with hope all at the same time. It’s the kind of book that will have you crying all of the ugly tears you can summon up. This is the kind of book that I can’t imagine never getting to experience. It’s completely and totally unforgettable and one of the best books I have ever read in my entire life.
As I sit here thinking about The Last Letter, I am a total loss for words. I’m having the hardest time trying to sum up all of my thoughts and feeling into coherent sentences. It’s been such a long time since I’ve had a book make me feel this way. How do you write a review for a book that obliterated your heart? When the writing just slays you, leaving you utterly speechless with tear filled eyes? I don’t know if I have the words to do this review justice, but I’m going to try my best.
The Last Letter grabbed me from the very first page. I loved the idea of this story and felt an instant connection with the characters. At 10% I wanted to cry. Little did I know that wouldn’t be the last time that tears would fill my eyes. This story and the characters felt so real. I felt like I knew them. I felt like I was right inside the pages with the characters and living each moment along with them. There were moments of bliss and happiness. Moments of rage and heartache. Moments where I just wanted to scream and walk away from my kindle. Moments I never saw coming, but even in their sadness, it filled my heart with the biggest love. Never, ever has a story ever touched my heart the way that this one has. I’ve never had a group of fictional characters ingrain themselves like this. I’m pretty sure there wasn’t one single character in this story that didn’t run away with a piece of my heart. From Ryan to Chaos to Ella and her beautiful kids: Maisie and Colton. Each one of them consumed me and stole a piece of me that I never want to get back.
The Last Letter is one of the most heartbreakingly beautiful books that I have ever read. The writing will not only slay you, but take you on the most incredible journey. The characters will consume you and you won’t be able to put their story down. The Last Letter was everything that I never knew I needed and can’t imagine my life without. Even now, hours later, I still have tears in my eyes thinking about this book. There aren’t enough words to describe just how special this journey is that Rebecca Yarros has taken me on. The Last Letter isn’t always an easy read. In fact, there are moments that are going to hurt, maybe even break you. Rebecca Yarros broke my heart. She made me cry. She left me an emotional mess. Yet, at the same time, she reminded me how precious life is. How important those small, little moments are. She reminded me to appreciate each moment and to never give up. To love with each and every breath. Books like this are the reason that I read. It’s stolen a piece of me and I know I’ll never be the same again.
In the end, all that’s left to say is I hope you will read this book. If it’s not already on your radar or to-read list, stop what you’re doing. Run and add this book to your list. I hope you will take a chance and experience the beauty of it. I hope you will experience all that I have and I promise you, Rebecca Yarros will make all the pain and hurt worth it in the end.
6. SANDRA HOOVER reviews for The Last Letter
A beautiful, heartfelt story with surprising depth. Grab tissues and settle in for the long haul because you won’t be able to put this one down, and I guarantee you’ll finish it crying. But please don’t let that stop you from reading this beautifully written, emotionally charged story that now sits on my Favorites Shelf. It’s truly an experience – a deeply rooted, character-based story that pushed all my buttons. The title, The Last Letter, is woven into the storyline in more ways than one. I found myself sitting long after I finished – thinking about this story and its relevance. Please avoid all spoilers and read this book. I don’t think it’ll be the same if you know
7. TINA reviews for The Last Letter
This book was so much more than a romance. It is very emotional and heartbreaking. Great writing!
The story of Ella and Beckett. Two lost souls who find each other. Ella’s brother, Ryan is a soldier and his best friend is Beckett. When Ryan dies in combat he leaves a last letter to Beckett. He wants him to go and help his sister, Ella through a very rough patch in her life. Ella, is a single young mother of 6 year old twins. One of them is very sick and needs treatment.
Each chapter begins with a correspondence between Beckett and Ella that began before Ryan died. I thought this was clever and really added to the story. The romance is strong and heated and very emotional. I went through many tissues while reading this book. So much heartache and grief. Parts of this book were very sad (especially if you are a mother.) It is also a book about love and acceptance and battling through hardships and coming out stronger.
I’d like to thank NetGalley and Entangled Publishing, LLC for granting me the opportunity to read this Advance Reader Copy. It is a story that will stay with me for a long time. I could really see this one being made into a movie.
8. CASEY READS reviews for The Last Letter
So many traumatic, sad things happened to Ella in this book. I just wanted to reach out & hug Ella, because she deserved so much better in life. Even in real life there is often people tragedy keeps striking over and over and Ella is one of those people. It was heartbreaking, but through it all, she got Beckett and he was perfect.
If there was ever a fictional man to completely fall in love with it’s Beckett. He treats Ella’s children as if they are his own, he does so much for Ella and her family. He has some minor flaws, but everything else made up for it.
I loved Ella and Beckett’s love story. This book spans over several years, so it does not feel rushed. We get to know the characters in several stages of their life and their relationship. It was honestly beautiful.
Ella’s twins were also just adorable. Their connection was amazing.
Highly recommend this book.
9. JENNIFER BLANKFEIN reviews for The Last Letter
Get out your box of tissues romance readers…this one destroyed me over and over. It is amazing when an author can write something that conjures up so much emotion – I truly enjoyed the “ugly cry” ride…
Jump on an Emotional Rollercoaster with Romance and Heartache and Let Your Tears Flow with The Last Letter by Rebecca Yarros.
If you like a story that rips your heart out over and over, grab a box of tissues and a copy of The Last Letter. Special ops officer, Beckett, grew up in foster care and went into the armed services to run away from his difficult, transient life. His best friend was killed in action but before he died, he wrote a last letter, asking Beckett to take care of his sister, Ella if anything happened to him. She had been married and pregnant at 17, her husband left her to raise twins on her own. One of the twins was very sick and needed treatment, and without her beloved brother, she really could use some support. Will Beckett leave the military to follow up on his buddy’s last request?
The book is a back and forth exchange of letters, where we not only learn the day to day happenings and the past leading up to it, but also the deep feelings, insecurities, hopes and dreams of Ella and Beckett. Through the eyes of a military family, Yarros has mastered the tugging of heartstrings and created complete characters who fight their own demons and exercise restraint, while at the same time explore love and loss, worry and hope, with physical chemistry that rivals 50 Shades of Grey at times. Life’s mix of emotions is experienced in this sorrow-filled, yet beautiful love story. One day at the beach or on a plane with this book is all you need to become immersed, absorbed and drained! Add The Last Letter to your list for a quick and emotional read. Don’t forget the tissues!
10. SYNDI reviews for The Last Letter
Long story but it is a sweet story. A heartbreaking story. I read Miss Yarros other book Full Measures. I don’t really like Full Measures. But I really like Last Letter.
A simple story but with a huge impact. Beckett and Ella correspond to each other while Beckett is with the Army. Ella’s brother is Beckett best friend. Ella is single parent and a business woman. She is a over burn woman that every single mother experience. Raising both children and running her inn at the same time. Beckett coming into her life like a sunshine after the storm. Their love story is very beautiful and in slow pace. Building layer upon layer, character development into a stormy heart breaking love story.
All of the second characters especially the children play important role shaping the love story. And it is a beautiful love story. I love Beckett’s endearing love toward Ella’s children.
III. The Last Letter Quotes
The best book quotes from The Last Letter by Rebecca Yarros
“I’ll save you a seat on the other side, brother, but take your time. Take every single second you can. You are the only brother I would have wished for, and my very best friend. And just in case no one ever told you—you’re worthy. Of love. Of family. Of home.”
“We can either breathe through the pain or we can let it shape us.”
“Sometimes bad things happen. And there’s no blame to be placed. You can’t reason with the universe, no matter how sound your logic is … We are imperfect people made that way by an imperfect world, and we don’t always get a say in what shapes us.”
“Don’t let go,” she whispered. Her hands were still between us, but she wasn’t pushing me away, they were simply resting on my pecs. If anything, she leaned in. “I’d forgotten what this felt like.”
“Being hugged?” My voice was sandpaper-rough.
“Being held together.”“Love – when it was right – was enough to save you. Beckett taught me that every single day. And ours was more than enough.
And so was I.”“I’d rather be great for a few people than be mediocre for a bunch.”
“Is this what it feel like?” he whispered so quietly that I leaned down.
“What it feels like?” I asked.
“Having a Dad?”“I was here for as long as Ella would let me stay. Because somewhere between letter number one and letter number twenty-four, I’d fallen in love with her.”
“I’m in love with you. I was in love with you before we slept together, and I’ll be in love with you for the rest of my life if my heart is any indication. Nothing about last night changed that. I’m me. You’re you. We’re…whatever you want us to be.”
“Man, it was a slice of hell to fall in love with someone else’s kid when you couldn’t claim the love of his mother – or her mother.”
“I would do anything for you.” His eyes locked onto mine in the dashboard lights, intense and a little hurt. “What is it going to take for you to believe me? To trust me? You want my background checked? Do it. You want my credit score? Awesome. My bank account? I’ll add you on. You have my word, my body, my time, and I’m standing here offering my last name. What else can I give you?”
“Hope is good. Feel it. Because we have no idea what’s coming around the corner. You have to take the good when it comes, because the bad isn’t going to give you a choice.”
“I’m twenty-five years old, trying to run a growing business, raise twins on my own, and in the middle of…” My hands flailed, motioning to everything on my desk “…cancer. I don’t’ have time to go chasing romance. I don’t care how good-looking he is.” Or how massive his arms were. None of that mattered.”
“This wasn’t heartbreak. Or sorrow.
It was the utter desolation of my soul.”“Someone once told me that swearing is a poor excuse for a crap vocabulary. It makes you look low class and uneducated.”
“It’s a good thing, though. Missing him. Grief means you had someone worth grieving.”
“As you get bigger, you’ll see that it’s not how you handle the wins that make you a good man, it’s how you handle the losses.”
“Time moved slower when you missed the person you love.”
“Dogs talk all the time, you just have to speak their language.”
“Is this what it feels like?” he whispered so quietly that I leaned down. “What it feels like?” I asked. “Having a dad?” He tilted his head slightly.”
“She looks like such a docile little thing. You’d never guess she’d be capable of ripping someone apart.” “She’s like any other woman in that regard, ma’am.”
“If she’s not talking to you it’s not because she’s a wilting wallflower, it’s because she simply doesn’t think you’re worth her time.”
“Because a very wise woman told me once that you can’t reason with the universe, no matter how sound your logic is. And that we can either breathe through the pain or we can let it shape us. So I’m sure that we’ll take it breath by breath until the ache lessens just a tiny bit.”
“Sometimes you have to leave so you can know what it is you left. You don’t really value something until you’ve lost it.”
“Someone once told me that swearing is a poor excuse for a crap vocabulary. It makes you look low class and uneducated. So I stopped.” God knew I had enough going against me. I didn’t need to sound like the shit I’d been through.”
“That of course they have a father, because babies have to have a father and a mother. But they don’t have a dad. Because while all men can be fathers, not all of them are qualified to be daddies, and theirs just wasn’t.”
“How do you say goodbye to the person who shared your soul? Who had been with you through every heartbeat of your life?”
“Play my position, show no fear, and tonight we dine on the souls of our enemies!”
“Do you know what’s undatable? Someone who’s selfish, or consumed with the tiny things in life that don’t mean anything.”
“best friend died.” My voice was barely a whisper, but she heard the truth of it. Her eyes flew impossibly wide, the blue even more startling against the sudden sheen of tears I saw gather there before she blinked them away. She glanced at the floor, and within a millisecond her spine straightened and she had walls up twelve feet high. She wasn’t just guarded. She was shut down. “And that’s why you’re here.” I nodded again, like I’d turned into a bobblehead since she walked in. “Say it. I need you to say the words.”
“Hope is good. Feel it. Because we have no idea what’s coming around the corner. You have to take the good when it comes, because the bad isn’t going to give you a choice.”
“Marriage means something to me, Beckett! Or at least it used to. Maybe it’s not the same for you, or you think because of the way I let Jeff divorce me that I think it’s just a piece of paper, but it’s not. It’s supposed to be a lifetime of love, and commitment, and loyalty. It’s supposed to be all those vows about sickness and health, and better and worse, and loving someone even on the days you don’t like them. It’s not, hey, let’s sign this piece of paper and join up while it’s convenient. It’s supposed to be about building a life with the one person on earth who is meant to be yours. It’s…it’s not meant to be temporary. It’s supposed to be forever.”
Excerpted from The Last Letter by Rebecca Yarros
Chapter 1: BECKETT
Letter #1
Dear Chaos,
At least that’s what my brother says they call you. I asked him if any of his buddies needed a little extra mail, and yours was the name I was given.
So hi, I’m Ella. I know the whole no-real-names-in-correspondence rule. I’ve been writing these letters just as long as he’s been doing what he does … which I guess is what you do.
Now, before you put this letter aside and mumble an awkward “Thanks, but no thanks,” like guys do, know that this is just as much for me as it is for you. Considering that I’d be able to have a safe place to vent away from the curious eyes of this tiny, nosy town, it would almost be like I’m using you.
So, if you’d like to be my ear, I’d be grateful, and in return, I’d be happy to be yours. Also, I make pretty awesome peanut butter cookies. If cookies didn’t come with this letter, then go beat my brother, because he’s stolen your cookies.
Where do I start? How do I introduce myself without it sounding like a singles ad? Let me assure you, I’m not looking for anything more than a pen pal — a very faraway pen pal — I promise. Military guys don’t do it for me. Guys in general don’t. Not that I don’t like guys. I just don’t have time for them. You know what I do have? Profound regret for writing this letter in pen.
I’m the little sister, but I’m sure my brother already told you that. He’s got a pretty big mouth, which means you probably know that I have two kids, too. Yes, I’m a single mom, and no, I don’t regret my choices. Man, I get sick of everyone asking me that, or simply giving me the look that implies the question.
I almost erased that last line, but it’s true. Also, I’m just too lazy to rewrite the whole thing.
I’m twenty-four and was married to the twins’ sperm donor all of about three seconds. Just long enough for the lines to turn pink, the doctor to say there were two heartbeats, and him to pack in the quiet of the night. Kids were never his thing, and honestly, we’re probably better for it.
If pen pal kids aren’t your thing, I won’t take offense. But no cookies. Cookies are for pen pals only.
If you’re good with single parenthood in a pen pal, read on.
My twins are five, which, if you did the math correctly, means they were born when I was nineteen. After shocking our little town by deciding to raise them on my own, I just about gave it a coronary when I took over Solitude when my grandmother died. I was only twenty, the twins were still babies, and that B&B was where she’d raised us, so it seemed like a good place to raise my kids. It still is.
Let’s see … Maisie and Colt are pretty much my life. In a good way, of course. I’m ridiculously overprotective of them, but I recognize it. I tend to overreact, to build a fortress around them, which keeps me kind of isolated, but hey, there are worse flaws to have, right? Maisie’s the quiet one, and I can usually find her hiding with a book. Colt … well, he’s usually somewhere he isn’t supposed to be, doing something he isn’t supposed to be doing. Twins can be crazy, but they’ll tell you that they’re twice the awesome.
Me? I’m always doing what I have to, and never what I really should be, or what I want to. But I think that’s the nature of being a mom and running a business. Speaking of which, the place is waking up, so I’d better get this box sealed up and shipped.
Write back if you want. If you don’t, I understand. Just know that there’s someone in Colorado sending warm thoughts your way.
~ Ella
* * *
Today would have been a perfect time for my second curse word.
Usually, when we were on full-blown deployments, it got really Groundhog Day. Same crap, different day. There was almost a predictable, welcoming pattern to the monotony.
Not going to lie, I was a big fan of monotony.
Routine was predictable. Safe, or as safe as it was going to get out here. We were a month into another undisclosed location in another country we were never in, and routine was about the only thing comfortable about the place.
Today had been anything but routine.
Mission accomplished, as usual, but at a price. There was always a price, and lately, it was getting steep.
I glanced down at my hand, flexing my fingers because I could. Ramirez? He’d lost that ability today. Guy was going to be holding that new baby of his with a prosthetic.
My arm flew, releasing the Kong, and the dog toy streaked across the sky, a flash of red against pristine blue. The sky was the only clean thing about this place. Or maybe today just felt dirty.
Havoc raced across the ground, her strides sure, her focus narrowed to her target until —
“Damn, she’s good,” Mac said, coming up behind me.
“She’s the best.” I glanced over my shoulder at him before training my eyes on Havoc as she ran back to me. She had to be the best to get to where we were, on a tier-one team that operated without technically existing. She was a spec op dog, which was about a million miles above any other military working dog.
She was also mine, which automatically made her the best.
My girl was seventy pounds of perfect Labrador retriever. Her black coat stood out against the sand as she stopped just short of my legs. Her rump hit the ground, and she held the Kong out to me, her eyes dancing. “Last time,” I said softly as I took it from her mouth.
She was gone before I even retracted my arm to throw.
“Word on Ramirez?” I asked, watching for Havoc to get far enough away.
“Lost his arm. Elbow down.”
“Ffffff —” I threw the toy as far as I could.
“You could let it slip. Seems appropriate today.” Mac scratched the month of beard he was rocking and adjusted his sunglasses.
“His family?” “Christine will meet him at Landstuhl. They’re sending in fresh blood. Forty-eight hours until arrival.”
“That soon?” We really were that expendable.
“We’re on the move. Meeting is in five.”
“Gotcha.” Looked like it was on to the next undisclosed location.
Mac glanced down at my arm. “You get that looked at?”
“Doc stitched it up. Just a graze, nothing to get your panties in a twist over.” Another scar to add to the dozens that already marked my skin.
“Maybe you need someone to get her panties in a twist over you in general.”
I sent a healthy shot of side-eye to my best friend.
“What?” he asked with an exaggerated shrug before nodding toward Havoc, who pulled up again, just as excited as the first time I threw the Kong, or the thirty-sixth time. “She can’t be the only woman in your life, Gentry.”
“She’s loyal, gorgeous, can seek out explosives, or take out someone trying to kill you. What exactly is she missing?” I took the Kong and rubbed Havoc behind her ear.
“If I have to tell you that, you’re too far gone for my help.”
We headed back into the small compound, which was really nothing more than a few buildings surrounding a courtyard. Everything was brown. The buildings, the vehicles, the ground, even the sky seemed to be taking on that hue.
Great. A dust storm.
“You don’t need to worry about me. I’ve got no trouble when we’re in garrison,” I told him.
“Oh, I’m well aware, you Chris Pratt-looking asshole. But man” — he put his hand on my arm, stopping us before we could enter the courtyard where the guys had gathered — “you’re not … attached to anyone.”
“Neither are you.”
“No, I’m not currently in a relationship. That doesn’t mean I don’t have attachments, people I care about and who care about me.”
I knew what he was getting at, and this wasn’t the time, the place, or the ever. Before he could take it any deeper, I slapped him on the back.
“Look, we can call in Dr. Phil, or we can get the hell out of here and move on to the next mission.” Move on, that was always what came easiest to me. I didn’t form attachments because I didn’t want to, not because I wasn’t capable. Attachments — to people, places, or things — were inconvenient or screwed you over. Because there was only one thing certain, and it was change.
“I’m serious.” His eyes narrowed into a look I’d seen too many times in our ten years of friendship.
“Yeah, well I am, too. I’m fine. Besides, I’m attached to you and Havoc. Everyone else is just icing.”
“Mac! Gentry!” Williams called from the door on the north building. “Let’s go!”
“We’re coming!” I yelled back.
“Look, before we go in, I left you something on your bed.” Mac rubbed his hand over his beard — his nervous tell.
“Yeah, whatever it is, after this conversation I’m not interested.” Havoc and I started walking toward the meeting. Already I felt the itch in my blood for movement, to leave this place behind and see what was waiting for us.
“It’s a letter.”
“From who? Everyone I know is in that room.” I pointed to the door as we crossed the empty courtyard. That’s what happened when you grew up bouncing from foster home to foster home and then enlisted the day you turned eighteen. The collection of people you considered worthy of knowing was a group small enough to fit in a Blackhawk, and today we were already missing Ramirez.
Like I said. Attachments were inconvenient.
“My sister.”
“I’m sorry?” My hand froze on the rusted-out door handle.
“You heard me. My little sister, Ella.”
My brain flipped through its mental Rolodex. Ella. Blond, killer smile, soft, kind eyes that were bluer than any sky I’d ever seen. He’d been waving around pictures of her for the last decade.
“Gentry, come on. Do you need a picture?”
“I know who Ella is. Why the hell is there a letter from her on my bed?”
“Just thought you might need a pen pal.” His gaze dropped to his dirty boots.
“A pen pal? Like I’m some fifth-grade project with a sister school?” Havoc slid closer, her body resting against my leg. She was attuned to my every move, even the slightest changes in my mood. That’s what made us an unstoppable team.
“No, not …” He shook his head. “I was just trying to help. She asked if there was anyone who might need a little mail and, since you don’t have any family —”
Scoffing, I threw open the door and left his ass standing outside. Maybe some of that sand would fill up his gaping mouth. I hated the F word. People bitched about theirs all the time, constantly, really. But the minute they realized you didn’t have one, it was like you were an aberration who had to be fixed, a problem that needed to be solved, or worse — pitied.
I was so far beyond anyone’s pity that it was almost funny.
“All right, guys.” Captain Donahue called our ten-member team — minus one — around the conference table. “Sorry to tell you that we’re not headed home. We’ve got a new mission.”
All those guys groaning — no doubt missing their wives, their kids — just reaffirmed my position on the attachment subject.
* * *
“Seriously, New Kid?” I growled as the newbie scrambled to clean up the crap he’d knocked off the footlocker that served as my nightstand.
“Sorry, Gentry,” he mumbled as he gathered up the papers. Typical All-American boy fresh out of operator training with no business being on this team yet. He needed another few years and way steadier hands, which meant he was related to someone with some pull.
Havoc tilted her head at him and then glanced up at me.
“He’s new,” I said softly, scratching behind her ears.
“Here,” the kid said, handing me a stack of stuff, his eyes wide like I was going to kick him out of the unit for being clumsy.
God, I hoped he was better with his weapon than he was with my nightstand.
I put the stack on the spare inches of the bed that Havoc wasn’t currently consuming. Sorting it took only a couple of minutes. Journal articles I was in the middle of reading on various topics, and — “Crap.”
Ella’s letter. I’d had the thing almost two weeks, and I hadn’t opened it.
I hadn’t thrown it away, either.
“Gonna open that?” Mac asked with the timing of an expert shit-giver.
“Why don’t you ever swear?” New Kid asked at the same time.
Glaring at Mac, I slid the letter to the bottom of the stack and grabbed the journal article on top. It was on new techniques in search and rescue.
“Fine. Answer the new kid.” Mac rolled his eyes and lay back on his bunk, hands behind his head.
“Yeah, my name is Johnson —”
“No, it’s New Kid. Haven’t earned a name yet,” Mac corrected him.
The kid looked like we’d just kicked his damn puppy, so I relented.
“Someone once told me that swearing is a poor excuse for a crap vocabulary. It makes you look low class and uneducated. So I stopped.” God knew I had enough going against me. I didn’t need to sound like the shit I’d been through.
“Never?” New Kid asked, leaning forward like we were at a slumber party.
“Only in my head,” I said, flipping to a new article in the journal.
“She really a working dog? She looks too … sweet,” New Kid said, reaching toward Havoc.
Her head snapped up, and she bared her teeth in his direction.
“Yeah, she is, and yes, she’ll kill you on command. So do us both a favor and don’t ever try to touch her again. She’s not a pet.” I let her growl for a second to make her point.
“Relax,” I told Havoc, running my hand down the side of her neck. Tension immediately drained out of her body, and she collapsed on my leg, blinking up at me like it had never happened.
“Damn,” he whispered.
“Don’t take it personally, New Kid,” Mac said. “Havoc’s a one-man woman, and you sure as hell aren’t the guy.”
“Loyal and deadly,” I said with a grin, petting her.
“One day,” Mac said, pointing to the letter, which had slid onto the bed next to my thigh.
“Today is not that day.”
“The day you crack it open, you’re going to kick yourself for not doing it sooner.” He leaned over his bunk and came back up with a tub of peanut butter cookies, eating one with the sound effects of a porn.
“Seriously.”
“Seriously,” he moaned. “So good.”
I laughed and slid the letter back under the pile.
“Get some sleep, New Kid. We’re all action tomorrow.”
The kid nodded. “This is everything I ever wanted.”
Mac and I shared a knowing look.
“Say that tomorrow night. Now get some shut-eye and stop knocking over my stuff or your call sign becomes Butterfinger.”
His eyes widened, and he sank into his bunk.
* * *
Three nights later, New Kid was dead.
Johnson. He’d earned his name and lost his life saving Doc’s ass.
I lay awake while everyone else slept, my eyes drifting to the empty bunk. He hadn’t belonged here, and we’d all known it — expressed our concerns. He hadn’t been ready. Not ready for the mission, the pace of our unit, or death.
Not that death cared.
The clock turned over, and I was twenty-eight.
Happy birthday to me.
Deaths always struck me differently when we were out on deployment. They usually fell into two categories. Either I brushed it off and we moved on, or my mortality was a sudden, tangible thing. Maybe it was my birthday, or that New Kid was little more than a baby, but this was the second type.
Hey, Mortality, it’s me, Beckett Gentry.
Logically, I knew that with the mission over, we’d head home in the next couple of days, or on to the next hellhole. But in that moment, a raw need for connection gripped me in a way that felt like a physical pressure in my chest.
Not attachment, I told myself. That shit was trouble.
But to be connected to another human in a way that wasn’t reserved for the brothers I served with, or even my friendship with Mac, which was the closest I’d ever gotten to family.
In a move of sheer impulsivity, I grabbed my flashlight and the letter from where I’d tucked it into a journal on mountaineering.
Balancing the flashlight on my shoulder, I ripped open the letter and unfolded the lined notebook paper full of neat, feminine scroll.
I read the letter once, twice … a dozen times, placing her words with the pictures of her face I’d seen over the years. I imagined her sneaking a few moments in the early morning to get the letter written, wondered what her day had been like. What kind of guy walked out on his pregnant wife? An asshole.
What kind of woman took on twins and a business when she was still a kid herself? A really damn strong one.
A strong, capable woman who I needed to know. The yearning that grabbed ahold of me was uncomfortable and undeniable.
Keeping as quiet as possible, I took out a notebook and pen.
A half hour later, I sealed the envelope and then hit Mac in the shoulder with it.
“What the hell?” he snapped at me, rolling over.
“I want my cookies.” I enunciated every word with the seriousness I usually reserved for Havoc’s commands.
He laughed.
“Ryan, I’m serious.” Whipping out the first name meant business.
“Yeah, well, you snooze, you lose your cookies.” He smirked and settled back into his bunk, his breathing deep and even a few seconds later.
“Thank you,” I said quietly, knowing he couldn’t hear me. “Thank you for her.”
….
Note: Above are quotes and excerpts from the book “The Last Letter by Rebecca Yarros”. If you find it interesting and useful, don’t forget to buy paper books to support the Author and Publisher!
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